New Religion ?

[mikey4444]

I am thinking of starting a new religion.

Now, I know its been done before....Mary Baker Eddy, Ron Hubbard, Charles Taze Russell, Joseph Smith, etc, but there seems to be good financial reasons for doing it. And there are lots of atheists out there that need hoovering up !

What elements do you think would be needed for this new venture to be a success ?

Don't forget that almost anything can be included, judging from past attempts at doing this, so let your imagination run riot !

[mikey4444]

CTR was still a nutter though.

Has anybody noticed that almost 100% of the "new" religions that have popped up since the mid-1880's, have been invented in the United States ?

Can anybody think of a reason for this ? Americans would appear to be rather more credulous than us Brits, given their wide-spread belief in contacts with aliens, flying saucers, etc. But surely that can't account for such a one-sided affair. Is common sense not seen as a virtue in America as it does on our side of the Atlantic ?

[Nibble]

Try joining Ab Editor for a new religion ;-)

[doctordb]

This may give you some useful advice. 'mind control made easy'

First time i've tried a link so i hope it works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4-Hms7bHqY&feature=player_detailpage

[naomi24]

We have to have some sort of holy communion. Champagne and canapes? Brown ale and pork scratchings? Oh, hang on a minute, if Chakka's God, it has to be gin & tonic - and what? Stuffed olives?

[chakka35]

A slice of lemon, I think, naomi. Please no capital 'G' to my title; I'd hate to be confused with that Judeo/Christian monster. And how would I break it to my son what his fate was to be?

[society]

Lord Chakka, do you grant wishes? :)

[venator]

I can offer you a ready made religion, with excellent growth prospects for only £1,000,000 ono.

Please send me your bank account details and password, and you can take over.

To view the prospect, just click on the sacred red words - Ab Editor

[chakka35]

Of course not, society. No other god grants wishes so why should I?

[ludwig]

It could be your unique selling point. You'd get loads of people converting from stingier gods.

[naomi24]

... specially if you offered BOGOFs.....

[ludwig]

I heard a big issue seller once shouting 'Buy one for the price of two and get one free'. You could try that approach.

[venator]

OK, a fiver and a place in your panoply...

[chakka35]

Look, I just want to be like any other god. You can pray to me if you like but I won't answer. You can expect miracles but will get none.

All I want is to be worshipped. Is that too much to ask? Of course I haven't the clout that that OT fellow had. I can't instruct people to go out and slaughter you, your family, your tribe, men. women, children and animals if you don't worship me. So I suppose I'm a toothless god really; can't do anything nice for you or anything nasty against you. I'm not sure I'm the right man for the job.

[ludwig]

// You can pray to me if you like but I won't answer. //

And just as it was written, I prayed to him, and as he had promised - he didn't answer.

Hail to the god who keeps his promises!