What to do?

[ummmm]

I've mentioned before that my Mum is a born again Christian. My son goes to her house at least once a week. The last few weeks he's been getting more and more worried about going. Today he told me that she's scaring him. All she talks about is when Christians die they will be going to heaven. She's talking about people like herself....He's now scared of me dying and worried that I'm going to hell.

Would you stop him seeing her if it was your child?

Besides this problem she's a good person...she just seems to be getting more and more obsessed the older shes getting...

[welshlibranr]

Well ummmm, I think I'd have a chat with your mum, and just let her know the affect she's having on her grandson, and asking her not to keep talking to him about the subject. If this fails, then I think you have no choice but to limit his visits, and to make sure that you're there too, just to make sure your mum doesn't worry him in future, I'm sure he enjoys his visits, but it's not fair to worry him this way............

[ummmm]

No it's not fair...

The only problem is he'll start to worry that he's upset her...

[jubieanna]

could you have a quiet word and ask her to tone it down a bit when talking to your son. surely she will understand if she's scaring him.

[welshlibranr]

I know ummmm, and you don't want him thinking that, have a word with your mum, I'm sure that if she thinks about it, she'll realise that she's worrying him, sure she loves him very much and won't want that...........

[AlBags]

Just try and get him to laugh it off Ummmm : )
One sure thing .. we're all going that way eventually.
Old folk .. bless 'em. They can get a bit .. without meaning to be disrespectful .. cranky.
He has to not worry about stuff like that.

[ummmm]

She's not that old albags....She's only 58...

I don't speak to her much anymore. She's slowly detached herself since she found God...

[jubieanna]

what a shame ummmm do you think she will listen if you explain that she is scaring her grandson? maybe if you went with him and when she starts you can jump in and tell her that he hasnt come over to talk about stuff like that

[welshlibranr]

Great shame ummmm, I think this sometimes can happen, they can get so consumed in their new faith, I think it's very sad, but have a chat with here, hopefully you can get through to her, sure she loves her grandson! this could make the difference!..........

[ummmm]

She does love him...no doubt about that. She's just not thinking about the consequences of her words..

She use to be such a good Mum...My other son won't see her and my Daughter has no interest in keeping in touch. It's a pity but I think my youngest feels a bit of pressure as he's the only one who sees her...

[welshlibranr]

Bless him ummmm, he's a kind boy, have a word with your Mum, she needs to understand that she's worrying him!..............

[beso]

She is unlikely to back down no matter what you say. The religious are often obsessed with "saving" their family and friends.

Explain the facts to your son, that Grandma is suffering from a very common mental illness called religion. Tell him that when she starts talking about it that he should say to her that it is all a complete load of rubbish, he is not interested and if she continues he won't be visiting her again.

She will probably be taken aback and have a go at you for poisoning his mind. When she does point out that she is the one with the poisionous attitude.

Allowing her to continue abusing your son in this way would be negligent of you as a parent.

[wildwood]

This is exactly why I went to church as a child, the teachers of the catholic school I went to scared the bejebers out of me about going to hell etc.

Born again christians are like past smokers, they never shut up about their new way of life.

Have a chat with her and, yes, if she doesn't cease scaring him, stop him from seeing her without your presence.

[Mamyalynne]

Sweetheart all you have to do is talk to Mum and kindly inform her her not to speak in these terms when he is around.

Good grief I am a Grandma and all we ever do is play games or make cakes!! Yes I have beliefs but never push them on anyone.

Take good care ♥

[Andyvon]

I agree with beso and wildwood. There's very little you can say to someone who's become obsessed with religion. I've worked with two such people in the past and they won't accept their views upset others.

I don't think a chat will have too much effect as someone with such views has gone beyond a reasonable approach. I think you'll have to ease away ummmm. That's hard when it's your own mother, but there's a point when you also have to think of your son and yourself and it sounds as if you are there.

[mibn2cweus]

//He's now scared of me dying and worried that I'm going to hell.// < This has already gotten way out of hand . . .

[paperpaper]

Have a good communication with your mom, after all your sun is just a child, he need quiet living environment.....everything goes well........

[woofgang]

First off yes i would deffo give your boy a break from seeing his Gran if you aren't present...his well being is paramount in this situation..how old is he btw?
Second I think if your Mum is behaving like this, even at 58 its possible that there is something underlying it. Contrary to some folks' belief, religion doesn't make you crazy but there is no doubt in my mind that it can be a convenient hook to hang your crazy on.
So..is she eating okay? has she got any new strange friends who always seem to be at the house? Is she steady on her feet? how is her general health? any alcohol abuse? Is she taking any prescribed meds that could have these kind of side effects?

How you talk to your son about it, i don't know, you will know best how to approach it.

[Ankou]

how old is your son ummmm ?

[ummmm]

Ankou...he's nearly 12.

Woof...she doesn't drink, isn't on meds, only really sees people from Church (they don't appear to be like this) and has a decent job in care work.

I don't think a chat will work really. To her that would be the devil doing his work.

[Ankou]

aw, i think you should refrain from letting him go, but explain reasons to your mother and to him (separately) about the decision 'you' have made. if he wants to visit your mum, then go together and as soon as she starts bleating about god and death, then stand up and leave telling her you are not there to listen to that.