I Am Livid With My Sister

[racoony]

A year ago, my Aunty died.She was my Mum's sister.The funeral was held in the south where my mum and sisters live.My partner and I live in the Midlands.We took my Mum to the funeral, not knowing the roads and relying on the satnav which unfortunately went wrong.The result was we missed half of the funeral.One of my sisters was incandescent with rage.Yesterday she came for lunch and announced she had forgiven us.I am now incandescent with rage.How dare she claim to be the one who dishes out forgiveness?Surely it's my Mum who forgives (which she has) and not my sister? She is a bit of a control freak.Am I wrong to be angry with her?

[Sqad]

Doesn't sound a big deal to me.

[maggiebee]

Probably best ignored.

[woofgang]

feelings aren't wrong. feelings are feelings. In this case do you want to stay of reasonable terms with your sister or not?

[kvalidir]

No you're not, I similarly told my sister in law to mind her own business about something she said regarding my partner and she came the 'I forgive you because I know how stressed you are' control freak malarkey, so I told her I didn't give a rat's chuff what she thought about me us, or anything else and her feelings towards me are her own affair and I don't require or need to know them so would she please keep them to herself and if she did feel the need to share them I'd take into account the fact she obviously has control issues and bolsters herself up by making herself seem more important than she is. She's not spoken to me since barring a few words but meh so what, you can't allow people to treat you a if they are superior to you just because it strokes their ego to do so. Anyone could have been late in your scenario, it's rude of her to have even mentioned it. x

[Prudie]

I'd calm down and let it go or it will balloon into a big deal. Of course you weren't late deliberately but being late for a close family funeral would be a huge issue in some families. I can at least understand why your sister was so angry.

[woofgang]

kval's answer seems to be based on the fact that she doesn't care whether she stays on reasonable (notice I didn't say good or friendly) terms with her sil and therefore presumably her brother. Having been in similar circs, I took the feelings of other relatives, who I loved, into account and ignored the comment. As I said, feelings are not right or wrong; we can choose what we decide to do about how we feel though.......

[dannyk13]

Best forgotten.

[racoony]

Thanks to everyone who has answered.It is helpful to get a range of answers from different perspectives.I have calmed down a lot now.

[Old_Geezer]

Just inform her that you are not in need of her forgiveness since you've done nothing wrong. And leave it at that. Unless you wish to forgive her for thinking she was in a position to forgive you for something.

[Patsy33]

Let it go. It's not worth the hassle..

[Mamyalynne]

I often find with people who operate like that a simple - 'Have you Dear? That's nice' then move on.

It's not the reaction they wanted.

[pastafreak]

You are entitled to your anger, but in your place I'd keep it to myself. Just smile sweetly and move on.

[nailit]

Families EH?
And the self righteous ones who dish out THEIR forgiveness!
To answer the question, no, you are not wrong to be angry with her.
Do what I have done with similar family members....cut them out of your life and let them all get on with it.

[FoxLee2]

Shades of Mrs. Brown there Mamya ' That's Nice'. When I was upset with someone in the past, I wrote them a letter. I gave vent to my feelings putting down everything they had said and done wrong. I read it through and then tore it up. Okay, I hadn't said anything to them but it felt like I had got out everything I wanted to say and wasn't bottling it up anymore.