And There's More

[Rondy]

Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.
Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”
Edna: “Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what’s there but a luxury car… a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner… a marvelous dinner… lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go to see a show. Let me tell you,
Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.
Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!”
Dorothy: “Goodness gracious!… so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?”
Edna: “No, no, no… I’m just saying, wear an old dress.”

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A German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved this ladies precious little dog. Upon getting back on the pier, he checked her puppy out and told her, "Ze dog is ok. He vill be fine."
Due to his selfless heroic act, she asked, "Are you a vet?"
He replied, "Vet? I'm fuken soaked!"

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Had dinner with Gary kasparov once when he was the world chess champion, they had a chequered table cloth....took him two hours to pass the salt.

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How many hairdressers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one normally!
But it is extra for high lights!

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I feel sorry for the staff in Greggs in this weather.
They must be baking in there.

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What do you call security guards at Samsung?
Guardians of the galaxy.

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I finished watching a film on BBC2 and went into the kitchen and thought someone had got into the house and was attacking my wife in the living room judging by the wailing and screaming noises. Turns out she had switched over to the Eurovision Song Contest.

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[maggiebee]

Thanks Rondy, your jokes always cheer me up.