need to decide

[worried.me]

Hi, I have posted here before and found replies helpful so here goes.... Well I have just written a christmas card to my "girlfriend" and before posting it have thought i might put some vouchers in there. Like things to do such as me to cook her a meal or a massage etc. Nice thing to do but ive been having thoughts in the last few weeks as to weather we should be together. We split up around May time but after a few days were texting each day agtain. I have very low confidence but so dont call just text. I have been depressed for a number of years and recently been getting ill and losing weight from a very stressful job. After the split we have seen each other for a few weekends but its very difficult as she works a nine to five job and i work odd hours including most weekends. We live 150 miles apart and i live with my parents so i always go up to see her. My life is changing a lot at the moment as i am getting counselling for my depression and want to make it my resolution in 2007 to relax so other health concerns die down a bit. I am hoping to have a new job at the end of january which will be closer to her also i know people who live in the city where the job is so would be better than home town which i need to make a break from. I will be spending christmas with my family than maybe seeing her at new year. My question is really should i make all the effort to put these personalised vouchers in her card?!

[Tiny E. A]

Of course! From what I can tell you haven't given a single suggestion as to why you shouldn't. It would be nice

[worried.me]

hi

thanks yes it would be nice but not if in a moth or two i decide not to carry on seeing her?
i dont know i have so much stress and times of feeling life is not worth living i just cant make decisions or seem to know what path is the right one. sorry

[Tiny E. A]

But perhaps in a couple of months you'll decide that you do definitely want to be with her. Relax, it's just a bit of fun, your not putting an engagement in!

[CheekyChops]

I think it's a lovely idea - if in a few months you don't want to see her anymore then that's fine, deal with it if and when it happens.

For now just put the vouchers in the card and have a lovely christmas!

[worried.me]

Hum ok. Anyway this is the first time i have had a creative thought for a long while i have been so low and unemotional apart from wishing life would end perhaps it will do my head good to do something good. also is may be interesting to see if my effort sparks her effort. i find her to be unimaginative or need me to think of what we will do or where we will go. But i mean for example i love cooking and she does not so i coook most of the time.

[chicklin]

HI, I always find that doing something nice for someone make you feel good too. So hopefully you will benefit from these nice gestures you are going to make as much as she will. Think positive and enjoy!
Perhaps if you have been feeling low and are unemotional, that might explain why she isn't very forthcoming. It must be hard for her to deal with you if you are depressed and uncommunicative. She must think a lot of you if she's still with you despite this. I'm glad you're getting counselling for your depression, but I think you should give her credit for sticking with you. Hope it works out for both of you.

[worried.me]

ok thanks. I should give her credit but its so hard to be emotional with anyone at the moment i have just had enough of life in general and my life more specifically.

i started to make progress in my counselling but since a big argument with my dad 3 to 4 weeks ago i have become more accepting that i cannot change my life and the counselling sessions are not so "oproductive" in terms of looking for ways to get out of my emotional rut, understand why i am in it and therefore how i can cope better. I do need to get moving but at the moment i am hoping this will happen because of circumstantial things: poss move away from home, poss new job and slow down in stress of current job after christmas. i have 5 days of stress left then have to get thru christmas which i feel really down about.

[chicklin]

Reading that makes me feel so lucky that I don't suffer from depression now. I know how awful it is to feel the way you do. Although I don't remember being so down as you sound, I suppose I must have been. I suffered from it in my teens, to the extent that I tried to kill myself and almost succeded. Now I realise that life if precious and nothing is so bad that there is no other way out. I'm so glad I failed. I really feel for you and hope you will one day be where I am now, content with the world. You're certainly not alone.

[worried.me]

thank you. perhaps i need to talk about the big serious things to my counsellor.

But i am scared he will go and tell the authorities if i sound like i want to kill myself. I dont think i will as i live with my parents but have had some very low periods of late. also scared to talk about sexual problems of early childhood in case it hurts or there are other problems which are serious etc. i need to talk about things but worry about how they will go down.

[sam100]

Hi Worried Me.....i think you should talk about these things as it is probably doing more harm to keep them bottled up.

As for your girlfriend i think you should send the card and vouchers as it's a lovely gesture!!!!

Then i would start to think positive at what good new things you have coming up...a new job, a new year and a house move..These are all things to look forward to and a start of a new chapter in life so look at the positives...

And if your feeling a bit low you could always run it by the good old ABers!!!