Relationship - not the one

[country_boy]

How many of you are in a relationship where deep down you know you don't want to settle down/marry the other person? What is it that keeps you in it - is it just easier that way?

[Rubyrose]

I think towards the end my relationship with my ex got like that. I still loved him but it was different. I think we were comfortable.. (well I was, he ended it) and we were just so used to being with eachother that breaking up seemed like such the wrong thing to do! To me breaking up seemed like giving up. But he gave up.

[country_boy]

Now you're hitting my nail on the head Ruby! I don't want to give up on mine but know splitting is the right thing all round, the spark was never really there to start with!

[Rubyrose]

CB, I don't know how much this will help you but I once heard a saying that I quite like. It goes like this:

"Don't marry for passion, Marry for friendship, coz passion fades"

[alijangra]

Done it before, doubt I would do it again. Life really is too short to be where you dont belong.

[country_boy]

Thanks but we're becoming more friends than lovers, I want someone who I really connect with on all levels. The chemistry. There must be some truth in having things in common because we really haven't. Just hard to make the break!

[Rubyrose]

Thing is me and my ex started of as friends before we got together and then once we were together we were quite passionate but over the course of a 5yr relationship things fade and we were like best friends at the end. I loved him and was in love with him and I would have stayed with him purely because we got on so well and had a great connection. I do realise that I am too young to already be in a relationship that has run its course and was now just settled! But I was happy! I know I have no basis for comparison but.. I was happy. :o)

[Amara]

You would be doing both of you a real injustice to stay in this. It is great to be friends with the person in our lives, but there has to be that spark of passion too to really keep things alive. Sometimes it is easier to stay, but there is a saying "there is the easy way, and then there is the right way". Be true to yourself and your partner and move on along your pathway. There is someone else waiting for you, and you know this don't you? - Love and light - Amara xx

[country_boy]

Yeah I know - it's not fair both ways, I may be stopping her meeting her "one". A few years ago I'd never have thought twice about it but I know she's going to be really hurt. I'll just have to bite the bullet. It's not like I'm the sort of person that has to be with someone, just seems harder as I get older!!

[lia*]

what's the point in being in a relationship if you don't want to really be with the person? makes no sense to me. i would think when two people truly love each other, they would want to be together until death do us part. i treat people the way i want to be treated. this is just how i feel.

or are you reffering to the kind of relationship where you are just using the other person?

[Amara]

Try talking to her - you may be surprised by her reaction - she may actually be able to see that it is not right on a deeper level. I know most people in this situation would not want to be with someone who wasn't in love with them totally anyway. Amara xx

[muppeteer]

i am sorry for you- people often forget its also heart breaking being the one to end the relationship & you obviously have feelings for your partner. Just remember the reason you are doing this- you have one life to live & spending years of it in an unhappy relationship to save the other person getting hurt will only make you resent them in the end. dont forget- broken hearts do heal.

[country_boy]

Not referring to a relationship where one is just using the other. My relationship started with us both knowing it wasn't really going anywhere and was meant to be just for fun. A year or so later and it is not working out because of the lack of future (complicated history/family). I asked the question as I wondered if other people had or are in a similar situation.

[country_boy]

Thanks Amara - we have spoken about it and she knows deep down too there isn't a future for us. We do love each other, just not in love anymore I feel.
Cheers muppeteer - wise words, seeing her on Tuesday to talk about it, will try and do the right thing. Hard because her previous relationship (father of her kids) was abusive and her two kids were abused by the father too and have really latched onto me, and I've bonded with them too.

[Amara]

Unfortunately kids add a whole new dimension to things, but don't worry they will be fine. You both have to do what is best for the two of you. You must not feel guilty about this, difficult as that might seem right now. This life seems tough at times and we don't always see the bigger picture. Much love and light - Amara xx

[raysparx]

Hi CB, you may find when you split it was the right thing to do, I split with my girlfriend when I was 23 we had been together 5 years,it was her that wanted the split, we met up again for birthday drinks as friends, I was sure it was over,but after a year we got back together were married within 3 months and have been married 35 years, so all I can say is "what will be, will be" I wish you both a happy life whatever you decide, take care, Ray

[lia*]

C_B, i have great respect for you. things, life...... have a way of sorting itself out in the end. i wish you well always.

[country_boy]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful answers and support.