Had a miserable day!

[caz79]

Anyone got any jokes?

[country_boy]

Not a joke, but I've just roasted a nice bit of beef, got all the trimmings sorted, carving the meat and managed to work the breadboard off the worktop spilling the whole lot onto the floor and my shoes! Still tasted pretty good and no crunchy bits or hairs!

[doink]

That don't work with the censor, Bollokcs

[Lonnie]

A pirate walked into a bar, and the barman said 'Hey, I haven't seen you in here for a long while, what happened?, you look terrible'.

'What do you mean?' said the Pirate, I feel fine.

'What about the wooden leg?, you didn't have that before.'

'Well, we were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannonball, but i'm fine now'.

'Ok, but what about that hook?, what happened to your hand?'

'We were in another battle, I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. my hand was cut off, I got fitted wit a hook. I'm fine, really'.

'Okeydokey then, what about that eyepatch?'

'Oh, one daywe were at sea, and a Seagull flew over, I looked up, and it pooped in my eye'.

'Your kidding', said the barman, you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird poop'.

'You'd think so' said the Pirate, 'but it was my first day with the hook'.

Cheers.

[curiosity]

Two blondes walked into a bar

Well ... you'd think one of them would have seen it!

[horselady]

In a convent there was one nun in particular who used appalling language all the time. The other sisters were fed up with it and all got together to decide what to do. They decided that the very next time she swore, they would all get up and leave the room without saying a word to her, thinking she would slowly get the message. That night all the other nuns were sitting down to supper when the swearing nun came in. "Have you noticed that the US marines have sailed into the f*****g port" she said. The other nuns all stood up and left the room hurriedly, without a word, leaving her sitting there alone, "well" she said "there's no need to rush, they're here all f*****g week"

[unruliejulie]

watch this clip, guarenteeed to put a smile on your face

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5619481843152124341&pl=true

[sexyrussian]

Actually you can but a face cream with sperm in.And that is not a lie.