When To Call It A Day?

[Scarlett]

Last night my best friend- who lives a few hours away- spent 2 hours having a go at me via messaging. She suffers from depression. We have managed to remain friends and work together on creative projects for 25 years, through inevitable ups and downs. But yesterday she was swearing at me in capital letters, saying cruel things and negating our previous good times. She has become bitter and twisted and is angry that I am also working with someone else (from my town, as I rarely see her). She has a lot of low self-confidence issues which I have continually tried to help her with. After all the things she said last night, I really don't feel like even speaking to her again, let alone attempting to be her friend. She has not apologised and I've heard nothing today. I don't like giving up on people, but all the horrid things she said are flying around in my head- I wouldn't want an enemy to speak to me like that, let alone my so-called best friend. She wants the monopoly on me, and she cannot have it. What would you do next?!

[bunkmoreland]

Length of friendship or not,she obviously has very deep rooted vengeful feelings about you now,for reasons only she knows. You are not the person to help her right now,no matter how much you feel you have to try. Step away from her' and if she wants to be in further contact with you,she will do it. You have done your best scarlett, in an impossible situation x

[Old_Geezer]

Since that is how you feel then maybe best you move back and let them decide what they want. If they feel they don't wish to mend barriers then the loss of a friendship is greater to them than you. Hopefully they'll realise that in time and attempt to mend the relationship. At which point you can decide if you are interested in remaining a part of their life or not. All these type of life decisions are about balancing your needs and desires to achieve.

[TWR]

Depression is an evil thing that takes over your mind Scarlett, TRY and put the words to one side & try and see the person you once knew, she has to be there somewhere.

[Peter Pedant]

agree baldric

sudduv "hold fire" to use a military analogy

[Scarlett]

Well.just to update, she has apologised but she hasn't retracted any of the things she said. I have accepted her apology but I still cannot bear to contact her. I can't just forget the things she said. She has made herself look jealous and a fool. I'm not sure what to do now. If I just forget it - or pretend to- I will be harbouring these negative thoughts about her and our friendship. We have been friends for 25 years and never fallen out. I think that's why this is so difficult.

[Retrochic]

Scarlett -did she apologize with a reason or was it a token one? If this was a one off I would tend to forget about it, but if its an ongoing thing then it sounds like you need to draw back a bit from the 'friendship' . Personally I would lay the Law down - you talk /text stuff like that to me again and that will be the lat you hear from me.

[granny grump]

Depending on the type of apology - token or heart felt I would message back explaining how her last outburst has made you feel and you would like to take a break from her for a period of time so that she can mull over the situation so that she can realise what the effect this has had on you - perhaps give her a month and see what happens Hope that it works out for you - and her

[Scarlett]

Thanks. It was a decent enough apology in that she called herself a number of rude words for her outburst, but she didn't say that what she said was wrong. All the hurtful things she said, I think are her actual opinion. So whilst she has apologised and therefore wants to forget it, I am finding it impossible to forget what she said. I think its more that she wants to relieve her conscience.

[Auxarcs]

Assuming you are both adults i would have an adult talk with her, maybe somewhere neutral like a coffee shop. Explain how you feel and try to get her to tell you what is wrong and why she behaved as she did. If she continues to be belligerent and unrepentant then explain you can no longer subject yourself to being basically bullied by someone you think of as a friend. Explain friendship with you isnt exclusive and that you have and will continue to have other friends you spend time with and if she cant handle that its best your friendship come to an end because you wont accept abusive behavior from her. Is it possible she might have a crush on you that may be causing her to feel you belong to her exclusively for some reason?