One Liners (Probably Ex Cracker)

[retrocop]

Subject: One line funnies

Tried to catch some Fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met
herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.
PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have
nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

[bookbinder]

They're quite good! Here's another one: what's the Duke of Edinburgh's middle name? Answer: of.

[Chipchopper]

A lot of good stuff there, but I thought the urine one was taking the pee.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows ? they're making headlines everywhere!

[marval]

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

[Canary42]

My mate at the sewage works fell in and couldn't swim - it was OK though he just went through the motions.

[retrocop]

A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son.
" The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a photo-copier."

[retrocop]

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I screwed a girl named Penny. Is that spooky or what?

[retrocop]

The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip, do you think about me?"
Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly!" wasn't the right answer.

[gollob]

At funeral where a man drowned somebody threw a lifejacket into the grave. After all that's what he would have wanted

A man died when he fell into a vat at the coffee factory At least it was instant

Man who goes through a airport door sideways is going to Bangcock