Is This Infidelity?

[cameliaheartfelt]

If your husband joins twitter and follows an old flame, is this
Infidelity? She has followed him back but they havent made direct
contact, it is like an unsaid communication. She is always tweeting
generally saying where she is, what she's doing etc and retweets quotes like don't leave it too late to tell someone how u feel. Hubby claims he didnt know
you could see someone on twitter without following them. He
says he was just being nosey, I feel like he has broken our marriage
vows and I feel differently about him and us now.

[AlwaysConfused]

I'm a little nosy at times, and just like to find how how someone is doing in career, relationship and life. If I cared for someone before, I still care now, even when ties have been severed. I don't know much about twitter, but I like to have a glance over photos on FB. It's not infidelity at all. I have a few ex BF's on facebook, it's great to still be able to keep in contact. I'm going to an ex'es wedding in a few months. It's great to stay friends after all the shared moments together.

[cazzz1975]

no its not infidelity

[Zacs-Master]

It's not infidelity. But it's probably a first step towards it.

[Sqad]

Zac......;-)

[cazzz1975]

some people hold a candle for a previous love, there is a grass is greener syndrome, especially when the current marriage is going through a difficult patch.

[pixie373]

I would put this down to human nosiness, but if you talk to him about it and he can't reassure you or stop what he's doing, the two of you have a bigger issue anyway.

[nsayer]

I'd be worried!

[cameliaheartfelt]

I have spoken to him and basically said this is the last chance. He had
an affair with her before we were married. We moved and changed
contact details etc so there was no way for her to contact him.
I feel like he has made me look a fool and she is going to think that
we're not happily married. His first reaction was, well, you do go on
sometimes to which I replied thats what men are there for,
what a lame answer. He says he's happy and doesn't want her, I gave
him the chance to have her, before I would put up a fight but this time
I've had enough and as I say feel differently, probably because
we have exchanged wedding vows and he should be 100% committed
to me. I think I am in a stronger place too now and see it
that others go through break ups and come out stronger.
I do feel that if I hadn't have said anything about my discovery
then it would have lead further but I wasn't prepared not say
anthing right away like before as it made me ill. We went to a counsellor
ages ago and she likened it to an alcoholic with a brown paper
bag over his bottle and trying to resist temptation by not taking
it off. I just feel now that I am in waiting, waiting for him to slip up
for one last time and then we can call it a day, very sad!

[missnemesis]

/// I do feel that if I hadn't have said anything about my discovery
then it would have lead further ///

Sorry camelia but if this ^^^ is what you believe then you're marriage isn't what it should be and you are heading for heartbreak. If he wants to then you 'saying something' is NOT going to be enough for him not to have an affair, with his ex or anyone else.

Still you let him away with infidelity before so he knows he can do it again anytime he chooses.

If I thought my hubby was even considering an affair that would be it - the vows we took were "forsaking all others".

[albaqwerty]

can I ask, 'he had an affair before we were married' were you engaged to each other at the time?

[EcclesCake]

My husband is friends on Facebook with a few old flames and other close female friends. I frequently meet, have supper and stay over with male friends.

We have no reason to question each others fidelity.

You have major trust issues and really should address the underlying cause.

[Mamyalynne]

It seems to me you have lost all faith and trust in each other , your marriage certainly sounds joyless. Rather than waiting until something happens why not part amicably now and move on , there is happiness for you both somewhere.

[cameliaheartfelt]

Yes we were engaged. I do think that Mamy but he is adamant
he wants to stay together and he doesnt believe in divorce. I stupidly thought and still think marriage should change someone. I hate it how the floozy
Keeps posting which she is quite entitled to do i know. I keep
looking and it drives me mad. I have been watching her long before
and she suddenly started retweeting these life tool quotes
pertinent to him so i suspected something.I hate technology! The bain of my life
now.

[Mamyalynne]

I too am a staunch believer in marriage and all it entails, for 35 years my everyday was full of happiness and give and take, death parted us - if there is something to be salvaged then you both need to work at it.

[Psybbo]

camellia, she sounds as if she's a bit desperate and your OH is probably amused more than anything else and has no intention of seeing her

[missnemesis]

Why would you be "watching her long before"?

That's a sure fire way to drive yourself mad and of course you are going to see a change in her posts - because you are expecting it.

[woofgang]

camellia, marriage doesn't change people....sad but true.