My First Day

[marval]

It was my first day working as a pilot today. I got off to a flier.

I don’t fancy the new gastro pub that’s just opened near us. I think the name, “Entiritis” is putting me off.

I once got locked up for stabbing a paragraph. It was a lengthy sentence.

This bloke in the pub said “I remember you! You sold me that broken alarm clock two months ago.” It didn’t ring a bell.

I spent the weekend going through all my old computers in the loft. So many memories.

My partner made some cupcakes yesterday, they were a total disaster. They turned to mush as soon you put tea in them.

I was in a crowded pub with my friend, when he suddenly sprayed me with fluorescent paint. I wish he would stop showing me up like that.

At work, my boss always abuses his power. He has ten appliances plugged into a single socket.

People have always told me that I shouldn’t make sweeping statements. But I find it easier to tilt the dustpan when sweeping up, if you tilt the pan back just in time, you will catch all the dust.

I got really angry trying to carry my memory foam mattress up the stairs, but in the end I learned to control my Tempur.

[Patsy33]

Good ones there Marval. Like the fluorescent paint one!..

[Chipchopper]

Sounds like you've landed a job where you've hit the ground running