Shyness??

[petes_dragon]

hey everyone,

I'm probably just being a paranoid mum, but I really need some advice.....

My son is starting 'proper' nursery in 3 weeks time, he went to playgroup 2x per week up until july, but not in the hols and we had major problems with him settling in, tears when I leave etc and I'm worried this will start again at nursery. He'll know a few children from playgroup but it will be mostly new ones and new teachers.....(he'll be there 5 mornings a week from 9am til 11.30am)

He's not shy at all with people he knows and depending on his mood he'll chat to anyone and is very articulate for his age, but I'm really worried he won't make friends as he tends to stand back when there are new children or people he doesn't know.

I've talked about it with him and he seems to be looking forward to it, but I don't want to make a big thing of it in case I put him off!!

any advice would really be appreciated

A xXx

I've posted this in parenting too, so apologies if you've already read it!!

[scatty mare]

I'm no expert, but I'm sure he'll settle in and make friends in his own time, even if it does take a while to get used to the routine. And there'll be experienced staff on hand to help him feel comfortable, so don't worry!

[ELVIS68]

My son was like that and it`s heartbreaking to walk away and leave them in tears, but once inside most of them are ok.
When we moved last month my eldest son..8 was very nervous about his first day at school whilst the youngest, 5 was fine. The school phoned us about 10am to say they were both fine and settling in well. And the best thing about it was picking them up at 3.30 to see them both grinning like cheshire cats :o)

I`m sure your son will be fine..good luck

[Vadeakon]

I hope you will accept advice from an old man whose children have grown well and gone.

You are to be commended for your concerns, but the growth of a child, just as an adult requires challange. None of us like change, none of us happily allow change without a fight, but only with change do we grow. When we can no long handle change, we die.

My wife and I raised two fine children. Both college graduates, both seeking advanced degrees.Much to their mother's credit. In truth, however, if I had it to do again, I wish I had stepped back in some places and allowed the children to handle their own problems.

I recall how my son fell from his bike while learning
to ride. He badly hit his mouth and nearly lost his front teeth. I had nightmare over that for years. I dreamed of diving to the ground to try to catch him,nearly missing each time.

He grew to a fine and handsome young man, his teeth are fine. Now, in retrospect, I understand that we cannot always protect our children, nor are we doing them a favor when we do.

We cannot live our children's lives. We cannot always shield them. At best, we are guides giving them what little we know.

Be of good faith. Your son, just like my children and all children, grow up in spite of us, not because of us.

Look carefully and see if the tears you fear are more yours than his and keep the faith. This too shall pass.

[filthiestfis]

I dont know what to tell you. When I was your son's age, I wasnt shy with people I knew at all and was capable of being articulate, in the same way. I had such a hard time when my mum put me in nursery, I was so shy, I wouldnt talk or approach the other children and I was bullied pretty badly by one kid. Eventually my mum took me off nursery. The following year, I had such a bad time starting school again. I went through my school years as a shy and reserved student. My mum overprotected me and I didnt get to hang out with kids my age after school hours that much. This lack of confidence has continued throughout my life, although Im much more open now. I can only suggest to you that you perservere and get your son to partake in as many activities with his friends as possible, before it wrecks the rest of his life. Even if he wont enjoy sports, make him partake in something, a hobby, anything that will make him socialise! Dont make the same mistake my mum did (my dad could never be bothered).