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Having a hard time

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maggie01 | 20:36 Tue 15th May 2007 | Body & Soul
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We are seperated and have issues with another woman. I went to see her at weekend to get some answers and she has now dumped my husband. Of course it is my fault. He sound unwell and says he thinks he has pneumonia (probably a bad chest cold). Shoud I feel guilty? I do
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Nope.

From what I remember he has been telling you lies for years. Am I right?

If so....this is your time now Maggie....time to make yourself happy at last. xx
ummmm? you rember magie's husband? you hussie!!

Sorry to make light of your situation maggie. and to hear of your predicament.
It's NOT your fault sweetheart, thats what I said to both my ex wives, it was mine, I couldn't keep it in my underpants.
No, don't feel guilty!!!!!!!!!!
There is light at the end of the tunnel, you won't think so now, but there is, believe me
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ummmm. You are right about the lies. He has booked a holiday to Florida for himself her and her two kids even though he has grandchildren himself who would love to go. and now she says she doesn't want to go . She can't take all the hassle. He reckons he was happy until I spoke to her and the stress has brought it on. He told her we were divorced (He says he didn't). I think she was surprised to know we are still married.
I can understand why you feel affected by this but you shouldnt feel guilty, he never felt guilty whilst having his affair. okay you have had you pound of flesh so to speak (split them) you need to move on and leave it now

He may be trying to keep you pitying him so the divorce settlement would favour him more, you need a complete break from the situation. I would take a short holiday away to relax and contemplate your next move

you need to keep your emotions in check and not let fear of loneliness or guilt cloud reality.
Good God No it isn't your fault! and don't you dare feel guilty! Maggie, he lied to you for years, then decided the grass was greener so left, now things have got slightly complicated and she has left him, he has no-one and thinks by playing the little boy sick act he thinks you are going to come running to look after and feel sorry for him. He's just trying to worm his way back in to your life again and try to make you feel bad when none of this is your fault, it's all his own doing!

Be strong Maggie, Ummmm is right it's time to make yourself happy (I'd rub it in his bl**dy face too!)
Hi Maggie, I have been with my partner for just over ten years and a few years ago I went through a horrendous stage of being unfaithful and entered a path to self destruction. Throughout that time I treated my partner terribly and nearly broke up someone elses marriage, which obviously I deeply regret and deservedly live with the guilt. I completely and utterly had no respect for myself or anyone else. Thankfully, one day I realised that what I was doing was a terrible thing and turned my life around completely and haven't looked back. Anyway, I think your husband is being extremley selfish, as I was. During that period in my life I always kept my partner hanging on the end of a string, cruel I know. It sounds like your husband is doing the same. Although, this may be (and it's no exuse) a phase? Lust doesn't last. I realised that my partner is my sole mate and we have such a strong bond, I will never in my life treat him the way I did ever again, he is very precious to me. I think in time your husband will realise that too, although don't put your life on hold as my partner did, it nearly killed him.
You must definitely not feel guilty here. He sounds very manipulative in trying to make you think that you are to blame for any of this but don't fall for it. He made his decision and he has to take the fall-out now that it's all gone t*** up. Be strong and take care of number one.
Good luck xx
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mountainboo. I am glad things worked out for you. My husband seems to miss the dogs, watching tv in our home anything you can think of except me. He says he wants to keep our home on and even if we divorce I can still stay here but that means he is coming and going here as well. I think a case of have your cake and eat it.
I'll answer that one maggie01
yes.
Sorry to be brutal, but, if i were your husband, that's exactly what I'd be thinking.
I know you are looking for words of re-assurance, but, in the cold light of day, that is what he thinks, and youi would be better off without him
Maggie I know that phrase well, I had my cake and ate it and it was mental torture for my partner. The pain you must be feeling must be like torture. I used to come back to our house regularly because it felt comfortable to me and gave me security but I know that everytime I visited it must have added to his hurt. I think your husband is not intentionally visiting to hurt you, but I guarantee that in time he will realise the pain he is causing you. My partner didn't eat properly for weeks and sunk to a very deep low. And one day he started going to the gym regularly, started a healthy diet and started painting. Do you belong to a gym or anything because they say that exercise can really lift you and not just for the obvious reasons, but it can actually make you feel good about yourself. Also you should take up a hobbie or something that you have always wanted to try, if you can also try to disconnect yourself from him and arrange for you to be out when he visits. I hope he realises that it would be stupid to give up on years of marriage.
I have to go now maggie but I really would like to wish you all the best and hope you can find happiness again. xx
Keep looking forward Maggie. There's light at the end of the tunnel. That guy is a bum circle!!
MAGGIE - NO

was he seeing this other woman behind your back i assume he was !

how is it your fault ??? he was sleeping with someone else , no please find some one worthy of u xx
drop him like hot rocks.hes a loser.move on and put him in the past.you deserve betetr.people who betray you like that arent worth sh!t on your shoe .get a new life and a new man will appear when the time is right .live a little maggie
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An update. Wedding went of great. Daughter looked gorgeous.. Husband sold his boat and is now renting a flat. Divorce is on the way. Our house has been sold and i am waiting for Divorce settlement so i can move to new home
Husband did come home for 4 days after 4 weeks to try and work through it but it didn't work for him. Still see him often and he still doesn't know if he has made a mistake with the choices he has made. He is miserable and confused. So much has happened in a short time it is exhausting.
i think youre moving in the right direction now maggie.

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