lonely

[homerbart]

How can one get out of the pattern of not drinking 2-3 cans of beer every night due to loneliness. Dont suggest getting a pet as there is one

[homerbart]

to Mani Hussain - no confidence for men absolutely zero. was asked out about 3 months ago in spite of my weight but turned it down. Terrible person I am but I am trying not to bore everybody about me because I hope I am not being narcissistic I am good to everybody and that is why as I say I miss the company especially of my late fantastic mother who was a great character. Anyway as I say to yous all yous have all heartened me in a strong way this morning and I am going to try and get out more and forget this weight business.

[6758]

hi homerbart.....

i think you have the same habits as most peolpe i know, but if the drinking really annoys you, why not try non alcoholic beer as i think half the problem is breaking the habit of having a drink in your hand. A bit like giving up smoking....

In my experience it takes ages to get used to a new lifestyle and with the winter coming, maybe you should get yourself a hobby to make the days a bit more interesting...

Good luck XXX

[homerbart]

to Mani Hussain got a date but turned it down by the way all am a lady

[cazzz1975]

6758 has the right idea, the problem with us is we all get into habits very very easily, substitute the beer for a non alcoholic version or shandy. Try to find yourself a hobby that will take your mind off feeling lonely, coming here is a nice thing as well because you are talking to people albeit over a computer.

Its hard to get motivation at this time of the year, try to spend time with people, or time being busy and helping out (plenty of volunteering opportunities) Doing things like this will lift your spirits

[Ice.Maiden]

Homerbart - There's a lot of good, constructive advice here, but I agree that your confidence seems at rock bottom and it can't be easy to know where to start. First of all, there are some really nice people on AB - some funny, some not so funny, but there's always someone around to talk to if you want a change from your usual circle of friends. Secondly, my best friend was 31 stone at her heaviest. She married twice, and her size never stopped her from going out & enjoying herself. It's not what you look like, but what you are. I wish you all the best.

[wiggal]

Im doing the hole stop drinking every night think at the mo to! Along with my mum & sister as we all have realised that we all always have a reason to justify having a drink! And are drinking far far to much! I before would think nothing of drinking 6/7 pints of cider n black an evening, and would drink atleast 4 every evening and many more at the weekend! Problem is, I am only 20!

What we are doing, is putting away �5 a day, what we were spending before on drink, and saving it! So thats �35 a week, �140 a month to put towards something special!
I only started Sunday, but Im drinking lots of pints of different flavoured squash, wish is really doing the trick!

xx

[Hellyon]

Hi Homerbart - you do sound down. I recently helped a friend she had put on weight and her clothes no longer fitted and she was very down. We went through her wardrobe got rid of all the useless clothes and went shopping and bought about 6 items of clothing that fitted and were trendy and made her look great. Think Trinny and Susannah. She felt so much better about herself that she got herself a job and has kept her wardrobe up to date. Is there anyone you could do this with? It doesn't have to be expensive you can use charity shops sales etc.
2-3 beers doesn't sound too excessive but often it is the act of drinking that is 'addictive' so why not make a shandy or alternate with a soft drink?
Don't forget cyber friends on here can be company too so if you feel low there is always chatterbox.

Big hug to you(X)

[homerbart]

thanks helyon for the big hug - I sure could do with a real one - I think that is the problem at least one of them.

[MakYak]

Homerbart. I moved to a new city and found myself in the same predicament. It's awful. I couldn't meet anyone new cos I was shy and had no friends in my new area to get the ball rolloing. So I made a decision, I stopped feeling sorry for myself (cos God knows I did!) and made a huge effort to go places. I went to the cinema on my own (for a girl that can be quite weird!), I went to cafe's and read a book on saturdays, basically I got myself out of the house as often as I could. But most importantly, I made a real effort to talk to people, (v difficult when you're as shy as me!) and made arrangements to meet them again in a casual manner. Before you know it, you'll have made a nice little circle of friends. So don't sulk at what you don't have, be brave and make a new start. Good luck. You can do it!

[rosie posie]

well homerbart i really do know how you feel..right i was drinking a bottle of wine every night for 3 ...yes 3 years,.it started with a relationship breakdown and a comfort thing ,which then grew into a habit.i was depressed,i went to the doctors several times with a cry for help,and i can honestly say they were useless .they offered me no counceling ,they just told me to cut down drinking. i personally think you are drinking to much and you are drinking to comfort yourself..in addition to my drinking i was comfort eating and the alcohol made me hungrier. the alcohol is also a deppressant you know. because i was over weight it crushed my confidence , i felt tired ,sluggish,,irritable,and that was because of the alcohol too.i never went out .and was hiding from people in asda if i new them ,,because i felt ashamed of how id let my self go,and how i looked...please listen to me because i really know what im talking about..you have to change your habit of getting them cans every night ,cos thats all it is a habit,,. 8 weeks ago i decided enough was enough and didnt want to drink any more so i started weight watchers and stopped drinking in the week,stopped drinking my feelings..i can honestly say i feel on top of the world..ive lost 1stone and 8 pounds up to yet.and no longer feel sluggish or depressed.i do have down days sometimes but not drinking and over eating feels great,and when i have a drink on saturdays,it feels like a little treat .you have obviously got a niggle in the back of your mind that the drinkin every day isnt right so trust that niggle before it over takes you.i never thought id get out of the rut i was in but obviously the time was right and im not going back now.you are the one that can make positive changes in your life and you only.i hope you find happiness soon and dont let your mind dwell on the down side of life,it is all a state of mind...remember ..sing along..always look on the bright side of life do do do do do do do do.xx take care.

[homerbart]

thanks for that rosie posie

[homerbart]

this is for rosie posie. have just bought my 3 cans for tonight but maybe will, starting from next Monday, wont have them during the week and enjoy them frid-sun. at least it would be a start.

What I would like to know - What do you do at night-time now that you are not having the wine - apart from TV - how do you pass the time of night - also without the wine do you have difficulty in sleeping. Thanks for your answer.

[rosie posie]

hi there homer bart..well yeah that would be a start trying not to drink in the week,,and hey it might take you 3 years like me lol..and in reply to your question...im just doin the same as i did before really exept not drinking and binge eating..i do go to weight watchers and stay for the chat afterwards on monday nights,and i do go for a walk every night with my 11 year old thats the only difference.i used to get fed up and say to my self,right on monday im gonna do it im gonna start the ball rolling and stop drinkin and eating,,but there was a force ,a boredom driving me to that shop to get that wine.and when my 11 and 14 yr old was in bed i would crack that wine open and stay up till 2-3 in the morning .you could try weight watchers, theres good advice and support there.theres a bit in the book that says manage your feelings..i think really alot of the time people over indulge cos of there feelings and life,but then it gets worse because then they are extra unhappy cos of what overindulging is doing to them.i thought i wouldnt be able to sleep when i stopped but iv been fine. i go to bed about 11 -12 and im up at 7.if you have trouble sleeping then why not try setting your clock for 5 or 6 in the morning ,then you might get tired earlier at night,and that might set your body clock right..you mentioned in one of your posts that you couldnt do voluntry work cos of medical reasons,,can i be nosey and ask what the situation is???..hope to hear your response soon xxx

[homerbart]

I suffer from fibromyalgia - it sounds like a big thing. It is actually severe muscle pain and whilst the pain is in every muscle it is severe around the rib cage therefore I cannot wear a bra. When I do go out I dread having to put on a type of sports bra which cuts into me even though it is very soft.

At present it is 11.20 am and I have severe sciatica in my left leg which I have not got for a long time. As my friend says when pain moves from your knee, or your leg - it goes all around the body therefore I am never free from pain.

That would be the reason I couldnt commit to voluntary work as I dont know what way I am going to feel on the day.

Also I was shot twice in the left leg many years ago through the Troubles in Ireland and it has left my leg pretty weak. Hope that answers your question and fibro and depression was reason I got medically retired.