Friendship

[mistys]

I have this friend, I've known her less than a year. She is 34 and I'm 19. We get on well and have fun, but she is a lot of hard work to be around.
She has been through a lot of bad time's in her life and they have had a bad effect on her. She has lots of issues that I havn't experienced so it can be tough for me to give her advice.
I thought she was changing as over christmas she was ill and didn't go out or drink for about a month. When I saw her after she looked fresh and was talking sense, like she had finally seen the light and realised she needed to change.
But now she has started to slip back into her old ways. I warned her not to and she seemed to have listened but last weekend she went on a three day bender and caused herself a lot of hassle.
I don't know what to do, it's like she is determined to put herself in bad situation's. She will get really drunk and then go to places her ex-boyfriend will be, he treated her badly but she wont let go. She know's going to see him will make her feel worse but she does it anyway.
I've run out of ways to try and help her, I don't know what to do anymore. When she behaves badly people seem to think it's my fault and I should have looked after her better. But there is nothing I can do for her.
I have urged her to go to her doctor and ask to talk to someone, and she says she has but I can't tell if she really has tried hard or not.
She is on anti-depressants but they only make her worse so she stopped taking them this week. I am hoping she will be ok without them, but she wasn't much better on them anyway.

I know this isn't really a question but I'm looking more for advice about what to do. I've been told to try not and get too involved emotionally, but she's my friend and I care about her a lot. She doesn't have much of a family and I know she relys on me for a lot of support. It can be too much sometimes, but I can't leave her with no one.

[mistys]

Maybe I need some blunt advice, thanks to everyone who has posted xxx

[shanx]

misty its called emotional blackmail , she knows you are vunerable and taking advantage of you , where others have given up and said we tried but you are not listening , you must say the same , its all game play xx take care

[mistys]

People have given up on her all her life, I don't wanna be another person to let her down.
I will give her a bit longer, I can't help her myself but I can find someone who can. I think if she find's someone to talk to then she really could change, I'm just not that person!

[froggequene]

People have given because she's won't help herself

You cannot fix her
You cannot help her
You are enabling her to maintain this vicious circle

Nobody is saying give up on the friendship but please recognise the fact that

You cannot fix her
You cannot help her
and as long as you delude yourself that hanging in there a little while longer will help you're going to wind up being hurt and this time next year she'll be stringing along another misty

[ChocolatChip]

I have been in the both situations and I do agree with some of the blunter comments. You need to be stern with her, tell her that she must get more help and get over it to get to where she wants to be.
People who go 'awww' and pat them on the back and say 'I'm sorry, it'll get better' won't work, it just drags them deeper into whats wrong.

[mistys]

I am firm with her, i've not been soft on her at all. I was to start with because I didn't really know her very well, but as time has gone on I have told her straight that she needs to get herself together and change! More than once I've lost my patience and been extremely blunt with her!
It's hard to explain really, I think the reason I am still there for her is because a lot of her problems are because of things that have happened that weren't her fault. Maybe now they are but most her issues began becasue of bad things that had happened which she didn't cause.

I have stopped letting it get to me so much these last few weeks and I won't let her get me down anymore. But I can't just walk away like some of you have suggested!

[froggequene]

It doesn't matter what the cause of her problems, she is failing to deal with them & using you as a crutch, stop making excuses for her