How Can I Get Him To See?

[*Princess*]

Righto, as I write this, I'm a bit tipsy, but I'm so frustrated and just fed up. This has happened over the last 2ish years, but basically I'll cut it down.

So, there is me, the guy, and a friend of mine.

Me and guy are pretty much best mates, tell eachother everything. I start liking him a LOT, but scared to do anything to ruin our friendship and all that.

Guy tells me he likes a friend of mine. He asks me to put in a good word, and I agree, even though it breaks my heart, cos I figure him and potentiall her happy, means 2 happy people and one sad (me) as opposed to 3 not happy people, right?

She doesn't like him, she tells me, but he's so lovely, he buys her presents, takes her out, worships her, and he...would do ANYTHING for her.

So anyway, she treats him really bad, tells me she's only 'with' him til something better comes along. This really ****** me off, he's the nicest guy. I've told him once, but he's so in love with her, we fell out and didn't speak for a month or so, until something bad happened my end and he was there for me.

Things is tonight, he's being absolutely lovely to her, she's being a total bitch, and I just can't bear him putting all his hopes into her. She's cheated on him so many times, but each time he thinks its just a mistake.

How do I get through to him? How? Why are men so stupid sometimes? Why can't he see I'm here for him? I've felt strongly about him for all this time, do I need to just...stop feeling this?

Any advice would be fantastic.

[~max~]

Test!

[~max~]

Yessssssssssss! Done it! My name on all 4 of the Recent posts column.

Sorry, Princess, will now think about your question hun. xxx

[*Princess*]

Test?

(Thanks for reading btw, didn't expect anyone too, was just thinking therapeutic for me writing!)

So, test?

[*Princess*]

^ ^ ^

Oh, I thought you'd read my essay :o(

[China Doll]

You can't do anything I'm afraid other than let him see this one through and come to realisation himself. Then be there as a friend when the brown stuff and the fan meet. It's hard to do but if you try to make him see you run the risk of losing him as it'll be you he takes his frustrations out on.

[Ice.Maiden]

Princess - it's not going to work for you hun. No matter HOW bad your friend is towards this guy, he's got to find out for himself. If you try to warn him off, it's just going to seem like interference, as you've already found out.
All you can do, is tell him that if he ever needs to talk, you'll be there for him - and then widen your circle of friends and wait for a guy who reciprocates your feelings. Best of luck - x

[~max~]

Ok.

I think you have a huge crush on the guy, and he's also your friend, which is hard. He obviously likes her in "that" way, not you at the moment.

If he's your friend, I'd sit him down, and tell him all. All she's done. If it transpires that you like him more than a friend, them admit it, or he'll think you are just being jealous. Let him know you are telling him for his own good, and not because you want him to like you instead of her.
Remiind him that, even if it hurt you, you hooked him up with her.
If he's intelligent, he'll come to his senses, not necessarily as in getting it on with you, but as in breaking it off with her and keeping you as the friend you have been all along.

[*Princess*]

Was afraid people would tell me to do nowt and just be there for him :o(

See my head tells me that's the right things to do, but my heart screams otherwise...and I usually go with that.

Sitting him down won't work, he'll fly off the handle at any bad words said against this girl, he just can't see. I mean, he knows I'll be there for him no matter what, its just so hurty seeing him being treat like this.

[~max~]

Hun, if you can't talk to him freely, then he's no friend.
Get some distance, get closer to your other friends and "forget" about him. Everyone has to make mistakes to learn. It's not worth you hurting over it. Leave them to it, pet. xxx

[Ice.Maiden]

Of course it hurts to see a friend taken advantage of, but it's because you like this guy so much yourself that it's becoming a problem. Whatever goes off between him and your friend, it seems to be working out for them at the moment. You aren't there to see what happens when they're alone.
If the girl really doesn't like the guy, and just sees him for the presents, etc., then she's being pretty cold hearted, but in that case, the relationship won't last. Perhaps she pretends to you that she doesn't care for him, knowing that you DO, and she doesn't want to upset you. Whatever happens, I still think it's best to back off and leave them alone to get on with stuff. There are plenty of other really nice guys out there. x

[*Princess*]

I can talk to him freely, about anything apart from her. He physically stiffens up, I can tell when he's just not going to take anything I say about her on board.

Other than that we still get on like a house on fire, see eachother every day, go to the pub, watch films, I drag him clothes shopping whilst he drags me to the garden centre for his plants, it's just as soon as she's there, in person, or in out conversation, it just goes all cold. He just can't see.

I guess tonight, maybe due to alcohol or just something she did tonight (absolutely horrible, we were in club and I notice her sucking face with some random guy, but instead of letting him see her, I for some bizarre reason, drag him to the bar, so he doesn't see, don't know why, to protect him from getting hurt?) I guess I'm just really angry and frustrated.

And before anyone says, cos I realise it looks like I went out tonight with the both of them, I went out with some work colleagues and it was just by chance they were in the same place. I never go out with her, not anymore.

Grrrr men :'o(

[~max~]

Aw hun, I fully understand what you are going through, if that helps. Dunno if you've seen some of my threads recently, but it's pretty similar, really. Chin up babe! xxx

[angel-cake]

Basically you are putting far more effort into this friendship with him than he is with you. (I guess because of your feelings for him). No matter what you tell him about her, it will always be a case of "shoot the messenger" so you will never win.

How long have they been together?

Men are no more stupid than women and he may be blind to it now, but it really wont last. Let him live it how he wants, then all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces (if you want) when it all breaks.

[Velvetee]

Well unfotunately, love is often like that. I don't see that there is much you can do. People always want what they can't have. He wan'ts her because she keeps pushing him away, you want him, but can't have him, because he's besotted with someone else.

You will not ever be able to get through to him whilst his head is in the clouds over this other woman. She probably will dump him when something better does come along and as a good friend to him, you will be there to offer your support.

Maybe there will never be anything between you, other than friendship. Don't cocoon yourself, hoping that he will fall for you. Get on with your life, meet other people and you will eventually meet someone, who wants you as much as you want him.

[*Princess*]

Thanks for all your replies, I do appreciate them. I guess I have to cut myself off from him, it hurts to see him all the time, when he's completely in love with this girl. Even as a friend, it's hard to sit by and just watch - I'm generally a pro-active person, and if I think something is wrong, I say so! It's so hard to bit my tongue. They've been together about a year.

Thanks again people xxx

[dimwithwit]

You know what I would do?
You haven't said anything in this post that isn't genuine. so I would let him read it.
Then i'd distance myself.
As long as you then don't chase him.
You in essense can't stay close friends with them because it's killing you anyway.
Then once he's read it I'd say, i know you didn't want to hear it. I understand. I wish you luck, take care and I'll be hear to talk when your ready. then i'd leave.
Be brave!!

[delsgirl]

You should not have dragged to the bar when you were out, you should have let him see for himself what she was doing, and then been there for him the next day when he upset, tell him should know by now what she is like, in a sort of casual way, hope fully he would see sense and dump her, give it a month of him getting over it, and then say something lie I wish you were my boyfriend you are just the type of guy im looking for, see what his reation is and decide from there either to stay his best mate and meet someone else for yourself or let him go out of your circle completely until the pain goes. But dont waste too much time on this, you missing out on meeting Mr. Right if you not making yourself available.

[beso]

Probably not a big surprise to many but....

Research has determined that the brain function of a man in love changes dramatically. Desire for immediate reward becomes totally dominant and they are unable to make rational decisions.

No amount of explanation is going to make him understand because his head is bent inside. There is really nothing you can do.

I think if there was going to be romance between you it would have happened spontaneously already. Learn what you can about love from this experience and get back out there looking.

You at least know what you are looking for in a guy. Good luck.