Just good friends

[BUNNY]

My ex and I split up a few months ago(his decision).However since that he is spending more and more time with me.We live beside one another and he calls in most days,often for a few hours at a time.I told him recently that I didn't think we should be spending so much time together and it would be better to have a clean break.If anything hes coming over more often now,bringing me flowers and present,saying he didn't spoil me enough when we were together..He even told me that he'd gone looking for some underwear to buy for me.He brings in DVDs to watch,food to eat etc,but he has never suggested rekindling the relationship.In fact when I say theres no point in this behaviour as we are never going to be right together he totally agrees.But why all this contact.Is he just being a friend?

[andy hughes]

He may feel more comfortable with you as a friend than as a partner, he may be clinging on to the familiarity of your contact rather than venturing out into the big wide world as a single man again. If you are uncomfortable with the situation, and would prefer a break, ask him not to contact you for a while, and leave the idea open-ended - you can pick up again if you wish, or not. if you are happy to see him as a friend, then carry on, but make sure he is absolutely aware that this is not going to slip into a partnership again. Draw the lines, and see what he has to say.

[mullein]

its called control by doing all the things you say he can keep upto date with what you are doing etc etc..some people cant let go even when its over they allways have to have something to hold onto..allthough he was the one to come away he is still monitoring you,,,i would personally tell him to sling his hook before he causes you complications in any new relationship you may have..as that could get tricky..start thinking about yourself and the future he must also get on with his life and you allowing access to yourself will not enable him to move on...if you think i am wrong tell him you have a hot date and see what his reaction will be...i bet you will get a hundred questions off him...also if you do meet someone new then you dont want ex hanging around..mullein 

[BUNNY]

Thanks for your advice.He is monitoring me,asking where I've been,with whom,what I've been wearing,what time I got home etc.That sounds like hes a nutter,but hes not really!I was asked on a date recently by another ex and thats when I started to get gifts.I think I'll just have to be a bit firmer with him.And go get myself a new hot date!

[Octavius]

You go girl!

I would have said, put a stop to all this as it seems to me that he doesn't want you going out and meeting someone else.  Let him regret his decision for a while, and if you and he both feel after a few weeks/months apart that there still could be something there then give it a go, but in the mean time - create some space for new avenues.

 

 

[Hgrove]

My personal feeling is that he wants you for himself without giving you commitment.  My recommendation would be that you put some distance between the two of you.

[Morrisonker]

be really careful with this kind of situation.  A friend of mine is starting out in a relationship with a man whose ex wanted to be friends and she just can't let go. It's getting out of control.

 

If you want to be friends, then fine, but if he's getting possesive remind him that it was *his* decision to break up.  It sounds like he's jealous because you're moving on and he isn't.  I always think that the person who does the breaking up expects to have one up on their ex, get a new partner, whatever and when they don't, that's when the trouble starts. 

[Dark Angel]

Hi Bunny. You gave me sound advice before.

I think your ex is playing mind games with you. He wants to be free of commitment yet enjoy your company at the same time. If I were you, I'd ask him to give me more space - a polite way of ending it. I know its difficult to sever ties.

 One of my exes dumped me and then later tried to rekindle things when he found I was engaged. I asked him never to phone me again. Speaking politely to an ex when you bump into him by chance  is different from regular phone calls and meeting for 'drinks' as 'friends' when you know there is no future in it.