Counselling

[thepheebster]

How do I get to see a counsellor? Do I go to the doctor and they refer me to one?

[andy hughes]

Your doctor may decide you reuire conselling, and refer you through the NHS, but be aware, this side of the health service is severly under-resourced and over-stretched, so you may be on a long waiting list. Private conselling is available, but it can be expensive, and there are a lot of charlatans out there, so make sure you find someone who is bona fide if you go down that route. Without knowing your circumstances, I would not dream of trying to second-guess your need for counselling, but if you need someone to talk over your issues in confidence, The Samaritans will provide an unbiased and non-judgemental ear for you to talk over what ever you need. Hope this helps.

[thepheebster]

Thanks Andy :)

[thepheebster]

Also...can anybody tell me what a counsellor actually does? Is it just somebody to talk to...I got told that I should see one because I've got issues from my childhood that I've covered up but I got really distressed and upset today when something made me remember and talk about them so I got told I need to address the issues otherwise everytime I think about them in future I'll break down again...will counselling help?

[natalie_1982]

As you're no doubt aware, nobody on here will be able to tell you if you need help or not, but I had a similar situation in that events from my childhood and early teens were affecting relationships I had (found it hard to trust and most of all show any true feelings to anyone) and I went to see a counsellor at Relate and it really helped me.

[natalie_1982]

And as for what they do, in my experience we would talk about things in general about my relationships (with friends, family, partners) what sort of people they were (kind, determined, quiet, funny, independent, etc) and then as it progressed he would set me small tasks that for anyone else would seem silly like making the first move to hold hands with my partner for example, and I'd have to do that, say, 5 times a day.  Sounds ridiculous but plays a huge part in a relationship if only one person is giving any affection!  It was made completely clear though, that I would only do the tasks if I felt that I wanted to.  Without going into too much and making a prat of myself - I began to realise that I was allowed to show affection.

 

One thing I would advise is, if possible, having someone else go through it with you (if appropriate - I don't know what you're going for!) but in my case I was going to the sessions so I could move forward in my relationship with my boyfriend so I found it helped for him to be there with me, he then understood why I was the way I was.

 

Sorry, to anyone who reads this and thinks it's too personal, and sorry to thepheebster if it's totally off track!  I kinda go on a bit sometimes.....!

 

Good luck X

[thepheebster]

Thank you so much Natalie, that has made it clearer for me. I hope everything is ok with you now :)

[BUNNY]

I went to councelling earlier on this year.I just felt I needed to sort out stuff from the past that was becoming a bigger problem and affecting many aspects of my life.I was recommended a councellor by a friend of mine and found him to be wonderful.I didn't want to see someone who would just make me lie on a sofa and talk about myself and thankfully got a great guy who talked me through things and interacted with me.I think its important to find someone that you feel comfortable with to get the best results.If you need to try a few different people until you find that be aware that you can.It was one of the most important and life changing things I have ever done.I can't wipe out the past but I can let it go alot more and have found it so much easier to deal with things as I'm not carrying so much resentment and fear anymore.I feel like a new person and hope you find the experience to be as worthwhile as me.I wish I'd done it years ago.Good luck!

[andy hughes]

As you will know from the answers following mine, counselling is a specific specialsit skill which requires training, qualifications, and experience to do properly. A professional counsellor will be able to 'home in' on specific issues and events that have shaped your reactions in your adult life, and help you to deal with them in an appropriate manner. It does take time, and it's not easy, but worth it, as attested by previous Respndents. Good luck.

[Eeeek]

So... is there a way to determine a suitably qualified person or should you rely only on recommendation? I have thought a lot recently about having counselling but dont really know where to start. I also dont have a lot of spare cash but definately want to do something about it. i have a lot of "issues" and i know they arent going to go away unless i face them and the sooner the better. i am 31 now and need to deal with stuff asap. Thanks.

[jimmer]

unfortunately therapy and therapists are difficult to rate. Most fall in the "private health and welfare" sector and those which are available on the NHS often have long waiting lists and deal mainly with people who have severe mental problems or are not managing to look after themselves. If you have issues that you feel are negativly impacting your life then a good place to start is to think about what is bothering you: are you suffering from: shyness? anxiety? depression? relationship difficulties? addiction? money worries? or whatever. After you have a handle on the symptoms you can go to a book shop and take a look at the books available on that subject (you don't necessarily have to buy one, just take a look and see if its relevent) there will probably be a section on "further help" which should list some possible courses of action including some associations which regulate the therapists. If you contact a therapist please ask as many questions as possible about their qualifications, approach and how long the therapy is supposed to last. Some therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy are a fixed length say 10 weeks and deal with patterns of behaviour, others are talking therapies and are open ended. At anywhere from 15 to 40 pounds a session it is well to know that you may be looking at a long term commitment. That said, i good therapist can really help you to understand yourself and make life a little more bearable. good luck.

 

jim

[Eeeek]

Hi there, thanks for your advice and support. Basically i come from a home that on the surface was happy and loving but really it was a house where my father was violent and my mother was (and still is) a control freak. i have suffered from an eating disorder for many years and have had a particularly bad year this year (had a termination and family bereavement). i also have general emotional issues that i would like to resolve especially as i now have a child of my own, sounds like i should contact a therapist asap. will try to be brave and call someone asap!