My brilliant idea!

[topogigo]

Yeah right, i will qualify that statement in a few weeks.
Thing is, on the 26th i am off to the states to stay with my internet girlfriend. We have become extremely close to be truthful and although we have never met, we have shared hours and hours on the phone and eventually on web cam. I have spoken to all her close family and friends, and she mine, it has been very nice.
I am going over for 3 weeks, but the intention is that i then come back, get my affairs in order and return to stay and get married. We are not kids, she is 50 on the 4th July, both divorcees, and i will definitely be leaving a world of trouble behind me. Sounds good? I am not so sure, i don't suppose it can do me any damage but i have a lot of adapting to do. Lots of expectations to fulfil, plus i have my families needs to consider, i admit to anxiety and trepidation at this stage, she has done nothing to deserve that though, and i do love her.
I know not what to think.

[Lakitu]

Good for you! I wish you all the very best xxxx

[topogigo]

Thanks Lakitu, i will let you know!!

[Lakitu]

Thank you x

[888sally888]

I would say go with an open mind. You wont know completely how you feel until you have physically spent time with this lady.

Just go wit the flow. How do your family feel about you going and who will you be leaving behind? And what troubles (if thats not too personal)?

[~Wingnut~]

Life is too short Topogigo, grab this oppourtunity with both hands and go for it! Obviously the same as Sally, go with an open mind & it depends on what these troubles are but if they can be sorted and all affairs put in order go be with the one you love :o)

Just to let you know my sister moved to Oz 4.5 yrs ago and I haven't seen her in all this time, she has since had a little boy who I have never met and he is almost a year old now. I miss her but I'm glad she went for this as they have made a great life for themselves and are very happy. I hope your family feel the same for you and support your decision.
Anyway you can always come back and visit (my sis is coming over a month later this year) and they can come visit you :o)
Good luck!

[topogigo]

You are talking sense there Sally, i am sure. just a little disconcerting to be going into such unknown territory.
My boys are not totally convinced i will do it, yet, they rely on me heavily. They will have to manage on their own soon, that worries me, they are in their 20's so time for a change i think. I have some really good friends that i will miss they have supported me through some bad times, and me them.
The troubles i have are with my ex wife, a drunken violent destructive person that cannot be reasoned with and attempts to ruin the part of my life she hasn't all ready with hate mail and phone calls etc. I need a new start, definitely. My new friend is the absolute opposite, she works in a bank, she is considerate and a gentle soul, and very good looking may i add, and she seems to like me an awful lot. The contrast with my ex is immense.

[topogigo]

Sure Wingers, i know that the pros and cons will balance out eventually, and i hear plenty of positive stories such as your sisters, i think i just woke up with a reality check this morning. I have got a big spooky to face, that is all it is, stepping into the unknown.
Incidentally, i won't bore everyone with this but, i met M. on a penpal site i had joined but as i was plagued with scammers, never used. She was having a hysterectomy and wanted some penpals whilst she was recovering. I thought she was a scammer and i wrote the most vile and disgusting reply to her, i feel sick when i remember it, thinking it would see the scammer off. She replied to me saying "I think we should start again". I nearly died when i realised what i had done, then found out how lovely she is. She is a christian and always calls it a miracle, it was a very strange introduction i am sure.
I am glad W. that you get your sister back for a while, that will be v.nice, and the kiddie!

[~Wingnut~]

Hi again top :o)

Your boys are grown men who have their own lives to lead. They will miss you and I'm sure you will them, but you only get one life. So long as you reassure them you will be in constant touch, will come over to visit, have them over to visit you I don't think you should worry that you are leaving them behind.
It is perfectly natural to feel the way you are, you are stepping out of your comfort zone into the unknown, this is probably something you never dreamed would happen after having such an unhappy life with your exwife (I am assuming this from what you have written above). Just keep an open mind, if you feel unsure about anything, take a step back and reassess, don't rush into anything you don't feel comfrotable with but on the other hand don't not do anything because it's not anything you have experienced before.

I shall you bore you now with another of my little stories lol
My Dad died when I was 19, leaving my Mum, me and sister. I was pregnant and with my husband (then boyf), my sister was in her 20's and had her life, my Mum had just lost her's when my Dad died. Fast forward 3 years and she was introduced to a friend of a friend and they instantly knew they were meant to be together. They were scared of their feelings as it was all going too fast, they had family to think of etc. It was all alien to them but they knew they wanted to be together. 3 months later they married and it is plain to see they are meant to be together even to this day (7 yrs on) Life is too short, my Mum realised that and went for it. Don't you be too scared to embrace your feelings :o)

God just read this back and I can't half waffle!!!! Sorry about that!

[lil123]

Nothing we do is without risk and you have obvisiously looked into everything wisely.
Good luck to you both and I wish you all the best xxxxxx

[topogigo]

Thank you all.

[888sally888]

I agree with everyone - go for it and enjoy!!

As was said above, keep in close contact with your sons as you are obviously the only decent parent they have.

Tell them to think of the lovely holidays they can have with you!!

[Abdulmajid]

Toppgigo, I can offer no advice but I sincerely wish you all the very best in the future.

Follow your heart and the blood will flow correctly.

[topogigo]

Nice to have some positive thoughts from everyone !

[Velvetee]

You should probably also be aware, that online relationships aren't always how you imagine them to be in real life. Many people end up sorely disappointed after meeting their online love. So I would go with an open mind and no expectations.

[Jugglering]

Hey, topoman... nice one ! I did wonder where you had gone ! Good luck on the *romance side* of stuff but please take it easy and careful - just go with the flow and see if you both really like each other before committing further.

You may find that you don't actually like the US of A.. I know, I certainly didn't ! No health care, no social security, no decent support systems in place (apart from what you pay up front for). I also found the politics a bit too right wing for me (hehe, their left wingers are more like our hard right tories). They do, however, have the most fantastic range of large clothing and they will automatically dollop grated cheese on top of everything you order in a restaurant. Oh, did I forget,,, they don't really do *curries* - now if you can cope with that, go for it mate !

[mandimoo]

sorry to be the one to go all negative, but one thing you said caused me concern. are you sure you are not just running away from the ex. i thought i was really into this guy once but soon realised that i wasnt actually into HIM, but was very into the escape route he provided, from the unhappy relationship i was in. that said, i hope this is not what it is for you. you sound like you are going into it with your eyes open. if it doesnt work out, you can always come back you know. if she loves you and you cant stand USA, she can come back with you. they say you regret the things you dont do, more than the things you do, so good luck xx

[topogigo]

Thanks Mandi, i have considered this a lot recently, i am as sure as i can be that my ex has nothing to do with it all. In fact i am possibly making the situation worse for me by going as she will have free reign to give my kids grief, this will cut into me badly. I am pretty sure that i will not be 100% happy over there but it beats the 20% i have got here at the moment. So as you say i should give it a go, what is the worst that could happen?
Thanks