Changing peoples perception of you

[karmgirl]

I am 20 years old and work in amin.

I've been working for the same company for a few years now and all that time I have never really spoken what I really think, I have always kept quiet or just agreed with people.

Now I want to be more assertive and stand up for myself more and voice my opinions and not be afraid to speak and say what I think but after all these years of not doing that, how can I now just suddenly change so drastically?

[karmgirl]

OMG someone who understands totally.

I feel a lot of the things you said totally are the same for me.

Like the bitching thing... I don't wanna get involved either but feel like you have to to form bonds. Girl at work is always trying to get me to slag off other colleague but I try and avoid it. Then I worry cus I think she wants to be a friend but I don't want to bitch behind peoples backs.

I agree as well that it seems you have to be a bit horrible to get through life. I don't want to be horrible. It seems like every conversation is a battle as well with everyone vying to have the last word and me always not having the last word. I am trying to change this though even though its not my nature to be an argumentative person it seems like this is the only way to not get walked over.

[karmgirl]

I think a lot of abbers are fed up with me too on this subject. Glad you posted! lol

I too have been reading lots of self help books lately. Today just bought Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers. Have read Paul McKenna Instant Confidence and Change your life in 7 days but don't like the exercises they put in them never do them. Also heard THe HIghly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron is very good.

[lajohn]

karmgirl, i think you should just be yourself and do what you believe is right. problem solve.

[karmgirl]

I think that too lajohn but I find it difficult to do x

[karmgirl]

Yeah like women are so bitchy and if your not bitchy you can't be in the gang or your not good enough to be a friend.

You can see it with Rachel in Big Brother cus shes not bitching (well not from what I've seen) she getting left out.

But then do we all do it?

Like at the moment cus I can't say stuff to peoples faces I have to admit I do sometimes say to my dad 'she gets on my nerves or whatever' but hey you've got to let off steam otherwise it gets to much. But thats not like in the same bitching league as my colleague. She is like purposefully trying to start a bitch fest/argument

[karmgirl]

jibjab are you a man?
If so - do you live near me? ;)

[karmgirl]

lol me lady from south west. Was just thinking if you were closer you seem like the sort of guy who I would have a lot in common with in terms of our opinions on this lol

[karmgirl]

Same jibjab exactly the same. I want a boyfrined but I really want to feel better in myself and get these whole issues dealt with so when I do meet someone I am a truly authentic and happy person who has their needs met. I feel as you do like everyones needs but mine are being met and I am being a slave to them. I am even thinking about paying to see a flipping hynotherpaist now, honestly I will do anything to feel better and be more confident and assertive etc.

We definitely to do less chat and worry and more action

[lajohn]

kamagirl and jibjab i think you both should exchange numbers or emails addy. there's possibility of a love connection in the future.

[karmgirl]

Yep yep jib jab I'm feeling this.

You know our problem is we must just analyze things to much. I'm a virgo and we are sincere and analytical apparently.

[karmgirl]

lol lajohn.

I am 20 jibjab. R U 25 did you say?

my email addy has got my full name in it so I don't want to give it out but I do want to keep in touch. How can we?

[lajohn]

you can email each other through sports answerbank or karmgirl you could create a special email addy just for jibjab.
yer i'm a nosey but i like happy endings. best of luck to you both. match made on AB heaven. :-)

[karmgirl]

Yes I do but I have deactivated it but I could re-activate it but I couldn't tell you on here cus its my real name.

Whats your email addy cus then I can email you with my email addy haha

[karmgirl]

You've got mail jibjab

[Rosetta]

Good luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but remember to be cyber safe..If you do meet up try and follow sensible arrangements so you can get to know one another in safe way


Sorry,grandmothersucking eggs come to mind.