Unhealthy girlfriend.

[henrywat]

My gf and I are both 25 and a year into the relationship. Thing is I love her very much and think she has a great character - but physical attraction is important to me, my girlfriend HATES the gym, doesnt like exercising, wont ever wanna go on a run, and 'is too tired after work to cook healthily' always finding excuses.

How can I get her to start trimming down and looking slimmer without being offensive?

Please, i dont want any replies saying 'you should love her how she is, whatever her size....'

[Bbbananas]

Aah, Sqad - and here's me thinking you were, or used to be, a Squadron Leader?

[sara3]

gosh, I went to work and missed all this!

henrywat, I apologise for (genuinely) thinking there was an extra "t" in your username. I thought it was amusing and I'm not generally abusive. I save that for special people :o)

[Velvetee]

What you need to do, is not try to control your girlfriend and make her do what you want. She is the way she is and doing the things you want her too, will merely make her your puppet.

I would suggest you let her go, so she can find someone who finds her curves more pleasing than you do and you can go off and find yourself a skinny, vain gym bunny. As some others have said, you're obviously not really suited.

[joggerjayne]

So ... no final decision about the lardy chick !!

[jen78]

Bar some of the more specific details you could have been my ex writing this.

He is, by nature, a very kind and caring guy but his desire to help people caused significant problems.

When I met him, I wasn't bowled over by his looks, it was never about that for me. He made me laugh, made me feel special, all sorts of things which just did it for me.

I should have realised more when, at the beginning of the relationship, he made some comments about my weight, especially having had a bad eating disorder in the past.

He met when when I'd just been through a very rough few months and was in the job from hell and admit I didn't make as much of an effort as i would have usually a lot of the time.

He seems to have boundless energy, can go out clubbing all night, mad drinking sessions etc... I'm only 30 but have arthritis, meniere's disease and tummy problems which mean that, even if that was my thing, I couldn't do it (and enjoy it), I get tired easily, especially with a full time full on job, I am in pain a lot and I often just feel like crap.

Much as I loved him, I didn't ever seem to do enough for him. Always comments, in his view as him helping me, such as my eyebrows need doing, I should wear some earring, my top isn't that flattering and him tidying me up (hair and such), when I just tied my hairback saying I was becoming like my mum, comparing pictures of me...

[jen78]

His idea of helping but it crushed me, took away more of my self confidence that it ever helped. In some ways he made me feel so special, on birthdays, anniversaries etc... buying me flowers and perfume and jewellery, lovely girly things which could have made me feel like a million dollars.

But I never felt good enough and was too tired to try all the time so I retreated into myself. it might sound childish but it even made be more rebellious. I didn't want to do it for him as I shouldn't, it should have been doing it for me but I never felt like I got the chance as he was always finding fault with everything.

I'd promise I'd try but I just couldn't all the time and would get what he saw as broken promises back in my face, especially when he finished with me a few months ago.

I felt so guilty, felt like I'd done so many things wrong but, to be honest, what did I do wrong apart from choose a man who couldn't love me for me, who just constantly wanted to change me, better me like a little project.

He could never see past him helping me and did nothing but blame me for not living up to his expectations.

He was seeing someone else before I even moved out, I've seen pictures and I hope I'm wrong but it looks like he may have found a new project though he has found someone who has the same go out and get ridiculously drunk and go clubbing all night so who knows, maybe he's found his match but it hurts that he's found someone who can do things I can't.

[jen78]

Ps...have to listen to the lyrics of Numb by Linkin Park.