Guests

[coccinelle]

We often have guests at our house as family live in UK or Australia and our friends in other regions. (I live in France) and we've always provided the meals, wine etc Guests can stay for a weekend, a few days up to a week or more so it can get quite expensive but we've always been 'oh, don't worry about it' if it was mentioned. It's a pleasure to have guests and after all they've had the journey to pay for. Circumstances have changed as due to present situation the same income isn't coming in. I would like a few opinions as to how to approach our next guests with a kind of 'yes, I'll accept a contribution to...' without feeling skingy or offhand. I usually say if they insist on getting something, to provide a dessert or some wine but if guests are staying a few nights what can I say??? I must add that 'guests' is used as people coming to stay and not necessarily people we ask to come & stay. When I invite somebody I don't expect anything from them. Hope you can help.

[bednobs]

why would someone stay if they weren't invited?

[ethandron]

i would just politely accept anything and everything any of your guests offer. put yourself in their position, you'd probably feel uncomfortable accepting someone's hospitality for a week or so without contributing in some way wouldn't you? just say 'thank you, that's very kind, things have been a little tight lately and we do have a lot of people come to stay', and leave it at that unless you want to go into more detail about your financial situation.

[mandimoo]

cocci, what is your situation, that uninvited people end up staying? if we know better your situation, we might be able to help better.

[Ice.Maiden]

Be truthful. Put the word out to friends and relatives - who might bring along other "guests" - in advance. Tell everyone that you're tightening your belt the same as many other people, and that if anyone's thinking of coming to stay, they'll have to provide their own food and drinks.

[Lil O'lady]

I'm confused about the situation as are others, but hay ho that's none of my business. Why not tell everyone that the arrangement is what us oldies call a 'jacob's join' ie everyone brings a dish and drinks and we all share together. Point your guests at suitable shops locally and encourage them to practice their language skills.
I'd be fascinated to learn if there is an equivalent French phrase / concept to jacob's join.

[coccinelle]

Our family and friends are scattered around a lot and we can't just pop into see each other for an evening or afternoon. This means we go and stay for a weekend. Family and friends who come here tend to spend longer than that and we provide the meals etc.
My question was to find out how I can NOW approach future guests as we can't really afford to pay for everything as income isn't coming in. ethandron's suggestion of always accepting anything offered is good. The Jacob's join is a good idea too Lil provided it was a ready dish and not one to cook in the kitchen. I hate talking 'money' so couldn't accept money from anyone.
I'd be interested to know what you do when you have guests for a few days.

[ethandron]

sorry can't help with that as all our family and friends live locally and we rarely have anyone stay overnight, let alone for a few days or more. the one exception was extended family from america (mum, dad, baby and grandma) who stayed for about 10 days a couple of years ago. i'd done loads of planning and we had a 3 course meal every evening, which i was very happy to do. they didn't offer to buy or pay for anything at all - apart from cider, which 'dad' took a fancy to and would buy for himself. we breathed a sigh of relief when they left and had a good grumble about how mean they were. then a week later, a thank-you letter arrived with �150 worth of vouchers for a nearby posh hotel/spa/restaurant!! we were obviously very grateful for them, but our guests had saved a lot of money staying with us rather than in a hotel and it would have cost a heck of a lot more than �150 (it cost me a lot more than that to feed them). we decided after that experience that in future we would not be so open with our hospitality.

[thugulike]

I can sympathise coccinelle. I live in a large house in a beautiful part of the country and often have so called friends ringing up and asking if they can stay. Finance isn't an issue but I work more than full time and find the planning a pain in the neck. I don't mind if I've invited friends to stay but the users and abusers are going to get refusals from me more and more as I think it's a cheek. I've found that saying no is very empowering. Genuine friends usually take us out for at least 1 meal during their stay. Just say it's not convenient.

[coccinelle]

Thank you ethandron and thugulike, I'm glad someone else understands the problem. Finance was never a problem before but this year it is. I usually prepare all the meals in advance so I'm available to take visitors around and not rushing back to make them. I should maybe plan more barbecues and they might suggest getting the meat or something. Most people who come, find France cheap so probably don't think of the expense which does mount up. However, this year with the � so low they might think differently. Thanks again to you both.