My husband is still in contact with his ex-wife

[Laurinha]

Hi,

I was just looking for others opinions on my situation please.
My husband was previously married for eight years. His actual divorce decree came through around the end of August. I met him in March, the divorce process had already begun. We got married in September.

My husband and his ex-wife have two dogs. They live with her but he sees them once a month or so.

The thing is, my husband and his ex email each other now and again and have begun texting each other.
He tells me there is absolutely nothing going on and has even given me his phone to read some of the messages, I am not sure if I am alright with them texting each other like this, I mean should my husband really be sharing an intimate relationship with another woman? Intimate in the sense that they have a personal relationship together which is all but completely private from me.

Any opinions are appreciated.

Lx

[Laurinha]

SORRY I HAVE REWRITTEN THIS QUESTION IN 'RELATIONSHIPS'

[andy-hughes]

The crux of this issue is that you are unhappy with it.

Your husband - and indeed his ex - can protest until Doomsday that their relatrionship is innocent, but if it is making you unhappy, then that needs to be addressed.

You should talk to your husband and explain how you feel. He should be sensitive enough to realise that this is making you unhappy, and make appropriate adjustments.

He could - and may well - argue that you should be secure in his love for you, and that his relationship with his ex is exactly that - a relationship with someone he is no longer in lovve with - but the fact remains, it is making you unhappy, and your feelings count.

Talk it over with him, make sure you know exactly what result you want to get from the discussion, and work towards it, but be prepared to see his point of view. Be aware of not backing him into a corner with a 'her or me' choice at the end of it - this situation is not that simple.

If you don't feel able to approach this rationaly - and who could blame you - then maybe you should ask him to go to Relate with you, for some structured and impartial help to get you over this situation.

Let us know how you get on.

[LoftyLottie]

What a lovely answer Andy! I contributed on the other thread, but your answer is what I would like to have said!!

[waterboatman]

Sound advice from Andy. Laurinha. It is not unknown for a divorced couple to become good friends after their divorce. That's all it is, friendship. Thet may well find they can talk now in ways they couldn't while married. It does not mean he loves you any the less, he has shown you his phone. Could you not suggest you get involved in their friendship? You are obviously unhappy with the stuation as it is. So that is one way of easing your fears. You never know, you may find a new friend in his ex yourself. Just a suggestion.