Problem with parents...

[soonny]

I know this place is strictly for parenting, but I guess that's also why I should post it here since most of ya'll are parents yourself. I'm a 20 year old medical student and I'm gonna turn 21 in a few weeks time. Ever since my dad started working overseas, he seldom comes home (at most 3 months a year) and this has been going on for years. My only sibling has migrated and we seldom keep in touch as well. Now what's left at home is nothing but me and my mom. I know I shouldn't say this but I think she is being too protective till today! She would freak out and storm my cell phone if I'm not back by 10, carefully select friends for me, won't allow me to date (which I did secretly behind her back), and the last time I wanted to travel she even stole my set of keys!! I told her I can't live like this and I plan to move out due to my chaotic study schedule. Moving close to my college would be best for me but she is doing everything to stop me. Gosh I feel like I'm going crazy around her. Help!!

[koolkid110]

thank u secretspirit for understanding my point!

[hazel ann]

Hi Soonny, I'm 50 years old and have been a widow for nearly 14 years. I have three sons and I've always emphasised to them that I love them dearly, I'll always be there for them but that I want them to have their own lives and they are not to feel guilty at moving away, doing their own thing. I've got a good job, a good circle of friends and over the years I've cultivated my own interests so that when they all move out I won't fall apart! It's hard for your mother, but she has no right to use you as an emotional crutch. Please, please move out now and DON'T feel guilty. You need to make your own life and develop as an independent human being. Do not give in to your mother's emotional blackmail. She may be devastated for a while but she is young enough to rebuild her life. If you give in and wait until she is older it will be even harder. You sound like a nice caring young man. Good luck with your studies and life.

[claireking]

Hi there, this is simple as being a parent myself, she has lost everything she has loved and you are the only one left she doesnt want ot lose you. You need to sit down with her and just be honest, you are a young woman and you now need to start getting on with your own life and career, yes she will be hard on you but you need to do it. She will get over it eventually and support you what ever you decide to do.

[soonny]

Well a little update for all the people who cares!

I moved out!! Phew... her reaction was well... wow.

At first I thought it would be liberating, yet again it doesn't come easy. Especially when I've lived under the same roof with her for all my life, suddenly it felt quiet around. But my house mates are kind to me. :) And I'm starting a new chapter of my life, a life without any nagging. hahaha

I still come home every friday nights and weekends and I'm seeing my girlfriend more often now. I'm still wondering if I should tell my mom about her. It might  seem weird to find someone so soon especially right after I moved out. :p

[Big Jenny]

I'm in the position of the Mum who didn't want her son to leave home - rather like your Mum. Even though we know our kids have to branch out on their own one day, it still hurts like hell when that day comes. You always feel that no-one can look out for your children quite like you do. It sounds as though your Mum is probably rather lonely, anyway, with your Dad working away the majority of the time, and your brother/sister already left home. Be gentle with her. She knows you have to leave home one day, but that doesn't mean she WANTS you to. Visit her as often as you can, 'phone home, tell her what you've been doing etc. and let her know you're thinking of her. I miss my son like crazy, but I wouldn't dream of trying to stop him going. I just like to know he still loves his Mum and wants to come and see me sometimes.

[soonny]

Hello big jenny,

I've moved back to the house with her... my dad had divorced her and decided to leave the country as well. All these years, I guess the distance erased the love in between as well. I understand what you mean. And I also understand what must be done. I'm the only man left in her life and she's taken care of me long enough, now it's my turn. :)

hahaha I never thought I'd address this topic any further but here I am anyway. I get what you mean don't worry, from a mother's point of view...