Shall I tell her the truth?

[merciasounds]

Although I've put this in family, the friend in question isn't, but I've known her over 30 years. She went through one bad divorce, picked herself up (with help) and started her own business. Which as done very well, and she's made a lot of money. I didn't see her for a few years although we always communicate Christmas and birthdays. Last time I saw her I thought se was drinking far too much, (she stayed with me and was starting on the wine at 10.30am, then sherry and vodka tonic's before lunch, wine with dinner cognag after etc, I said I thought she was 'over-doing it', her excuse was - 'Oh come on, it's Christmas'.
Anyway, she contacted me at Easter, saying she'd met somebody who could be 'the one', and could she bring him over to meet us. Well since I've been in hospital, and had my 'adopted' son to stay this is really the first time I've had to let them come - I met him last night.
OH BOY! How can I tell her she's making a huge mistake? He's virtually a carbon copy of her ex, not only in looks, but he also drinks far more than is good for him (he's lost his driving licence for 18 months last November) and, from what can gather, has no money and an ex-wife who has his two teenage daughters to look after without maintenance from him. They want to start a wine buying business for restaurants and hotels - all I can see is one big European P1ss up on her money and nothing to show for it in the end.

[sadielady]

Dont think your going to win whatever you do. if you tell her what you think you will probably loose a friend, if you dont tell her and it all goes wrong for her she is going to ask why you didnt tell her how you felt. Not a good situation for yourself or your friend

[murraymints]

Lofty...ever the diplomat...well said !!!!

[joko]

what are you expecting her to do when you say all this? intsantly dump him and thank you profusely?... not going to happen

she will ignore you but be annoyed that you felt the need to pass judgement and ruin her happiness...she may even decide your motives are pure jealousy

all that will happen is that you get to say 'i told you so' if it goes wrong...and if thats what you want then go for it...

if someone had warned you off someone you loved, after 1 meeting...what would you have said?

[joko]

you also dont actually know that they drink a lot normally...many people let their hair down on holidays...even small ones like visiting a friend for the weekend...it might be their own opportunity to have a blow out

[LoftyLottie]

Ah thanks Murraymints :o)

[China Doll]

If a friend asked me for my opinion and I had reservations then I would state them and say as long as she's happy then so am I. I think that's all you can do if someone asks you for an honest opinion. Mind, I only have a handful of people I would describe as close friends and I've known them all years so we're all very candid with each other anyway and have seen each other through broken relationships and other difficulties in life.

I wouldn't bother if it was someone I hardly saw.

[merciasounds]

I think I'm going to tell her she's a big girl now, and doesn't need my approval - or disapproval because whatever I say, I'll be wrong. Oh, and she's just dropped the question to me would I like to put £50,000 into their plans. No, I do not and I certainly won't be.

[murraymints]

think plenty..say nothing.....hide bank book !!!

[joko]

you could make light comments that hint, and let her come to the conclusion herself...such as ' i cant get over how similar he is to your ex!...not his twin is he haha' ...
and discuss things in 'leading' way...'well as long as your sure hes ok, i mean you dont want another martin on your hands haha just remember to be cautious haha'.

even tell stories about how you 'heard' about a neighbour who did what you are are doing and he messed her around'

make it all in jest and in the 3rd person and subtle...

[cazzz1975]

I would stay out of it. sometimes disliking a person can be quite unfounded.

If you cannot say anything nice, dont say anything at all.

[Bbbananas]

I think you should keep out of it and just tell her she's a big girl now and can make her own judgements - and indeed she is, and can.

You may risk alienating her if you "tell her the truth" as you see it, because that's just what it is mercia - your truth.

[Dee Sa]

I know when you get that "sinking feeling" oh no not again, this person told you an awful lot in one meeting but he was honest about himself and he has looser tattoed across his forhead, I would have a chat with her about the money side of things tell her you are worried she will loose everything and council about only putting up half and the other half tucked away to fall back on.Dont mention the booze that will put her back up.She is obvoiusly attracted to one type of man & if he goes another will replace him eventually, where did they meet ? do you think he genuinely likes/loves her or is it because she has dosh ?presume he has a job ?

[Mick-Talbot]

has no money and an ex-wife who has his two teenage daughters to look after without maintenance from him.


Who has told you that? It seems an odd thing to tell someone, is he proud of it?

[NoMercy]

Or you could just send him a death threat... ;-)