Men working in Pre-schools

[mountainboo]

I have come up against a rather contentious issue. Our nearly four year old son attends a pre-school which he has become very settled in and one that we are happy with. One afternoon when I collected my son I had noticed there was a chap working there. When my husband found out he was furious and told the owner of the pre-school that under no circumstances would our son be attending if there was a male member of staff present (He has no problem with male teachers by the way).

Out of consideration the owner has notified us of days when the male member of staff will be present in January. My husband has excluded our son on those days. He personally believes that no men should be working in that type of environment. His reasons are legitimate, however I am finding it extremely difficult to support him and think he is wildly overreacting. I disagree with his theory. The fact is that this particular school is one large room with absolutely nowhere for anyone to hide. I have tried explaining this to my husband but he refuses to budge.

He believes that I do not have our son's best interests at heart by arguing the case. I am honestly not worried about this chap. This is our son's second pre-school as the in the first he was being bullied by some older children. This is the first place I have felt entirely happy with and he has made friends. To add to this, the primary school that is attached to his pre-school is my first choice for him to attend from September.

I had planned to increase his hours from February in order to prepare him for September but this chap may well be permanently relocated to our son's school in which case I would have to drastically reduce his time there!!

I just wondered, am I in the wrong for contesting my husband's wishes? TIA

[cazzz1975]

good post nox

[mountainboo]

Yes, I agree, that's very good advice. I will have a serious talk with him tonight when my son goes to bed. Thank you all

[woofgang]

is it just me that is worried about the OP as well as their son? Abuse doesn't have to be physical to be abuse.

[brenda]

You mention that the owner of the pre school has co-operated with your husband's request. ie no male worker to be there when your son attends.
In the eventuality of an absence , say through illness of a female worker and the need for cover arises what happens? For example, one of the females phones in to say at the start of the day that she has slipped on the ice and now has a broken leg.So she will be absent for some time. Your son is already in the school for his day. Dilemma for the owner.Can the owner find a female replacement immediately ,or will she call upon the male worker she knows and trusts who may well be available?The owner will be aware of Health and Safety regulations with regards to numbers of staff and children-- so little choice for her -- a replacement is needed forthwith.What would your husband's view be on such a scenario I wonder.?

[bednobs]

he does sound like a right knob, but i know how things can sound to other people when you're moaning about your OH!

[sophie_1003]

I think it's the other way round brenda; the OP will be ensuring their son isn't in school on the days the male worker is there rather than the owner changing their staffing to meet the OP's husbands requirements. To be honest I'm surprised the owner was so considerate and understanding; if I had a male nursery nurse working in the nursery I'm starting teaching in soon and a parent had a problem with it I would be very much on the side of my colleague and ask to have a talk with the OP's husband to assure him that all of the staff are qualified, experienced and vetted and if he has a problem with it to find a different nursery.

[sophie_1003]

Also meant to say that the situation brenda presents would still be valid; very tricky!

[hannah40]

is your hubby old fashioned?my parents would have had the same attitiude,my mum is 80 but she still thinks it is wrong that dads are hands on dads nowadays she will never change and she wouldnt have sent me to nursery with a male worker.

[netibiza]

I find it strange that a head teacher would agree to the "No males", because they seem to be re endorsing the husband's fears.

[karenmac60]

You're husband is totally out of line. He obviously has serious hang-ups because of something that's happened to him in the past, but these incidences are in the minority. His attitudes are only going to give your son the same hang ups and he will grow up with major trust issues as well as having been forced to lead a very sheltered life. He is potentially doing as much harm to your son as the harm that was done to him. You MUST make him see sense, for your child's sake.

[sandyRoe]

When the child gets to primary school and there are male teachers there, what then?

[sherrardk]

I find this all quite sad. Something horrible seems to have happened to mountainboo's husband at some stage, which explains his feelings. MB knows all about it so is trying to be both rational about the situation and supportive of her husband, the 'head' of the school is trying to maintain income in the face of some problems/issues. Just hope little MB doesn't pick up on any of it.

[EDDIE51]

Apart from the equality issue, men are now being actively encouraged to enter the pre/ nursery school area as well as primary schools. It is thought that this gives the children a more balanced view of the world and provides male role models . The male teacher will have an enhanced CRB check just as the female teachers have . Your husband is being totally unreasonable , can you imagine the row that would blow up if he refused to send the child to school because he disapproved of a teacher's ethanicity ? he has no more reason to refuse to send the child because he does not approve of the sex of a teacher. Good schools, especially pre schools, are hard to find and they are of huge benefit to the child, please try to get him to see sence.
If your husband has such a distust of the male sex it will go far beyond choice of a pre school , it will blight your child for life ! it needs to be sorted now for the sake of the childs future.

[Teddy_boy]

There are too few male role models for many children today.Its believed to be linked to the behaviour of youngsters today.More male teachers can only be a good thing in my mind.

[maggiebee]

My son trained as a nursery nurse in the early 90s. His first job was with an out-of-school-care club and he was only the second male to be employed there. In the beginning, many of the mothers were a bit wary of him, but I was so proud at an open night when one of the mums said "see your son, he's just great wi' the bairns and a great role model". He worked there for 6 years before moving to Glasgow where he again did nursery nursing and creche work. He now manages an out-of-school care club up north and still loves the work. I think you need to have a sensible conversation with your husband and stand up for yourself (and your son).

[brenda]

I am shocked that the owner of a pre school would agree to the changes in a child's attendance,because there is a male on duty.Discrimination by gender surely ????.Equality Act 2010 ????.

[rockyracoon]

The nursery owner hasn't changed anything going by the OP, she has just informed the family which days the male worker will be working so that mountainboo can exclude her child if she wishes. That's how I read it anyway.

[Quizmonkey]

The problem here is your husband not the teacher. I really pity your son if he's going to brought up by such an ignorant, narrow-minded imbecile. Sounds strong? But who could honestly have views like that in this day and age? Whatever the 'personal reasons' he needs to sort himself out before having any further contact with his so-called son, imho. Outrageous. Also you seem to be supporting him, albeit passively?