What do you talk about?

[cameliaheartfelt]

I have been married nearly 3 years but have been with him for nearly 18 years. we don't have any kids and I'm currently only working now again doing agency work. I am very concerned that we just don't talk and I suppose never really have. I just don't know what to talk to him about and he never really talks to me first. I don't do much in the day apart from housework and although I ask him about his job, that is soon over and done with and I'm sure he doesn't want to dwell upon that after he's come home. We are doing up our house slowly so we talk about that and finances, apart from that nothing. What do you talk to your other half about if you don't have kids or a job? I'm really sad, we sit in the car and go along without saying hardly anything and the same when we go for walks.

[Swanson]

We natter/bicker all day long... 40 odd years here.

[Maydup]

If you're both naturally quiet people and happy that way don't worry. But if you'd like more conversation then talk about your interests or about what's going on around you and topical things.

eg - have you seen the plans for the Olympic opening ceremony? If you were in charge of it what would you do?

or - can you remember a wetter summer

or - what would Holland need to do to stay in the Euro 2012?

Stay off religion or politics but there's plenty in the news to talk about if you need a few ideas.

[nungate]

Despite the fact we've been married 25 years, the only thing we really have in common is our daughter, but it seems to work as we both manage to chat away to each other or else just sit in a comfy silence.
You could just start by asking about his day, or tell him about yours, discuss what's happening in the news or find something amusing in the papers or online, tell him some of the jokes in the Phrases/Sayings. Ask him questions that cannot be answered by a simple yes or no, try and draw him into a conversation

[cupid04]

I Don't know what to say, but I hope you work things out. Sometimes after
being together a while we tend to take each other for granted. Try and
remember why you fell for each other and see if yo can recapture the old
feelings. Take up some separate hobbies but also find ones you can share.
Do you like country walks, sports, trips to the cinema etc. Really listen to
each other and don't just feign interest. Failing that would you both be up
for marriage counselling? I really hope you both find happiness. Regards cupid.

[FoxLee2]

If you're at home all day, then you have time to watch the news or read a newspaper. If there are a couple of items that catch your eye, you can talk about them with your husband. For instance, there was a story about a man who won nearly five million pounds on the lottery and carried on claiming benefits for 3 years. You could ask your husband what he thought about that. Then that could lead to what he would do if he won big time on the lottery or euro millions. Would he give up work? Start his own business? Doing what? To what extent would he give money away to family and friends.

Also are you 'games' people? Do you play cards, Scrabble or Backgammon? That way you're doing something together and that will naturally lead to conversation.

[askyourgran]

Some people get along just fine without yammering on all the time, companionable silence is OK. Don't start forcing conversation for the sake of it. Ask him what he thinks about your conversations or lack of them. Admittedly when you have children or animals in the house you tend to find something to talk about. Do you have any hobbies or visit family. I've been married ages, and we don't talk all the time, how many couples do?

[Whoever]

Try and find some different things to talk about. Buy a quality daily newspaper and READ IT ! There are hundreds of different issues being featured every day. Talk about some of them and find out how you both feel about them, and why?

Perhaps both of you should get involved in some separate activities or hobbies so that you have something different to talk about. Companiable silence is OK but you still need to be able to engage together. I've been married for 40 years now but my other half and I still find plenty to talk about. We're involved in joint activities but have some separate ones too, and just because you've been married 18 years you don't have to be joined at the hip. Talk about anything - immigration, benefit cheats, should the UK donate money to poor countries overseas when we have an austerity crisis at home? - whatever. Don't limit your conversation to your own affairs. Look to the wider world and try to expand your conversational horizons.

[abwr74]

the world revolves easier if humour is your constant companion - so take the michael a little and see where it goes - laugh all the time.

[karenmac60]

Mr mac and I work together, live together and socialise together and we never run out of things to say. Most of it is utter nonsense, but it keeps us amused :)

[biddycatt]

We have 3 big dogs, as good as children for things to talk about, but the best solution is to get a job among people or volunteer.No good expecting your husband to entertain you, its not his job! we are all responsible for our own happiness in the end.

[joeluke]

Couples who don't talk are obviously just going through the motions

[ladybirder]

It would be good to hear what the OP has to say about the advice given here, also to answer the questions asked.

[askyourgran]

Through the motions of what? Joeluke. When you've lived with someone a long time the need to talk becomes less, you even start to end their conversations for them because you know them so well. We do talk but not incessantly. Camelia is probably wanting to bring a bit of spontaniety into their lives, afraid it's becoming a bit samey. But at least they are doing things together and not being bitchy or falling out with one another. Probably a smile and a light touch now and again will keep you going.

[Maydup]

^^^ hear hear

[ummmm]

Joe...maybe you should be with a woman who you consider an equal, and you'd know what others are saying. I haven't even been with my OH that long, but we've known each other since we were little. Sometimes we don't have to speak....just a look is confirmation that we're thinking the same thing.

Pity you chose tits and lipstick over a unique bond ;-)

[joeluke]

So a 'unique bond' is where a couple hardly speak to each other is it?

Communicating via telepathy?

[albaqwerty]

yep Joe, sometimes it is just telepathy. It is a unique bond. Also, it is not boring nor dull.

[Sqad]

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