Husband doesn't want kids

[Polotoo]

Hi all, my hubby and i nearly split up a year ago, when he suddenly announced he doesn't want kids.

I have never made a secret of the fact I wanted kids (I'm nearly 26) and he's never seemed to have a problem. Then one night he upped and lefted as he doesn't want kids.

we've been married nearly 4 years and together for 8. I want kids, not necessarily right now, we were going for treatment as nothing was happening natuarlly then he changed his mind. we now never talk about this and i don't know what to do. we still don't use protection and I'm worried now if I do fall pregnant what will happen.

Any blokes can offer advice or any other ladies can shed some light. I still want kids and dunno what to do.

xx

[dot.hawkes]

is it possible that vhe thinks the reason you have not been able to concieve is his fault, and that bu proclaiming he doesn#'t now want kids, he is trying to cover up the fact and deflect the guilt he feels for letting u down?

[nannon]

Maybe he does but is worried at the prospect...i guess its a scary thought of having someone dependent on you emotionally (and financially!!!) for the rest of your life. I want kids but god it scares the life out of me!! The only thing is if he really doesnt want them then is it a sacrifice you want to make ie. not having kids out of the love of your partner? and is it fair for him to put you in the same position? But i think that if you want such different things you may have to have serious chat...

Sorry if this doesnt make much sense to much vodka...it make sense in my head if thats any help!!

[Polotoo]

I thought that too dot, but the test on him came back fine and we now know that the fault lies with me :-(

I don't know nanon (you're anwser makes perfect sense but perhaps its the red wine!!) I thought that too, but he said if i take him back its him or kids and I just don't think if I'm willing to give kids up. I feel we are now just drifting with no direction, and I want children sooner rather than later. Our friends are all starting to fet pregnant and i'm finding it really hard to deal with....... I don't know what to do anymore. x x

[Blyss]

If he really really doesnt want children then in my mind he should ahve told you way before you had a seriuos relationship , nevermind married for a few years.
i agree with dot on this , maybe he feels hes letting you down .

[patc7641]

I am 40 now, wife is 38 and I have no intention of having children, for a number of reasons.

1. Im selfish and dont think I can make the sacrifices necessary.


2. My wife and I both work, whats the point in having kids and sending them to nursery or care.They are then someone elses.


3. I see children running around and out of control, I hate to think that I would be responsible for some little brat terrorising other people. Of course ABers will come on now and say that theirs are never like that.


4. I think it is hard for kids growing up now, they have too much access to information now, mainly through the internet, but dont have the developed adult faculties to cope with and unsderstand what they are being told.


5. Lastly, I feel that the world is too dangerous a place for children. This is the main reason for me. I would be devastated to have a child and have anything happen to it. Especially when I look at thirld world countries and see the hardship suffered there.

[nannon]

aww sweetheart its so sad. Cant imagine how you must be feeling. Especially as when you got with him, by the sounds of it, you both wanted the same thing. Its seems unfair. But obviously you cant force him to have kids if he really doesnt want them, and would you want kids with someone who you will always nknow doesnt truely want them? and of course it is a huge decision to make. sometimes people do drift apart for different reasons. But i'm with you - i really dont think a could sacrifice kids for someone, no matter how long we had shared together or how much i loved them. Having kids for me is one of the most important things that will happen in my life.

[treacle84]

If you aren't taking any precautions against getting pregnant then he must know there is a risk of pregnancy making me think that he prob does want them. Maybe he's just scared himself into thinking he doesn't want them because they are such a big thing. Good luck with it x

[Polotoo]

I guess I feel it is my fault for not being able to get pregnant, but don't whats going on his head.

it all hit me when he left, as i didn;t have a clue till that point, i just don't know anymore. I don't think I'm prepared to give them them up entirely, and I know I am the one at fault.

I can't talk about this unless I am tipsey though, which i know is not a good thing!

[Belle Fast]

It can take up to two years for people with no fertility problems to get pregnant. Also your ovulation can stop if you are being put under stress over all this.

You are still really young, so I think you should stop trying to get pregnant and take a real good look at the relationship from your point of view to be sure you are sure about him. Also, if you make kids too big an issue now it may make him more against it as its human nature to be contrary.

The other thing is, there is a whole fuss in society about women running out of eggs and that they are in a rush to have kids, but men's sperm deteriorates with age and also, as men tend to die younger than women, if they want to meet their grandchildren its them should be in a rush. These facts can make women feel better and stop certain men being a bit smug. But anyway, it sounds a difficult situation, but I'm sure it will work out for the best - good luck with it.

[nannon]

Its not your fault at all! some people take longer than others to get pregnant than others! and also you must be stressed out about this so does that maybe effect getting pregnant??

[jno]

It maybe that he's had a genuine change of heart on this. Or he may be getting his excuses in first, manipulating you so that if you do fall pregnant he can then blame you for anything that goes wrong, saying 'I told you all along I didn't want kids'. In other words he wouldn't mind having them but you've got to be responsible for them. That isn't a great approach to possible parenthood; my guess is that if you have a baby you'll find you're on your own. Are you ready for that?

[Scarlett]

I think maybe he is using this as a convenient excuse. Either way, if you want kids and he doesn't, he is not the man for you. If you have split up, let him go, and be childless with someone else. That way you can get on with your life and find the real Mr. Right, who would ADORE to have kids with you.

My sister is in the same boat, and whilst she has not dumped her man, whe is going out every night trying to find another more suitable one. It's as if it is her body clock, forcing her to do it quick before time runs out! But she is a lot older than you.

[alijangra]

You want kids, he doesnt. You should be the one issuing the ultimatum. Dont let him deny you this, you are still young and plenty time to find a partner who wants the same out of life.