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Jemisa

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marval

Words

A mother was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist. "Right," said the shrink, "We'll just try a few simple tests." To the boy, he said "Say a few...
21:01 Sat 31st Aug 20131 answer, last by Jemisa 23:31 Sat 31st Aug 2013
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bibblebub

Just Heard On R5

I fancied eating some German sausage but, knowing my stomach, I feared the wurst. What do you call a judge with no thumbs? Justice fingers. Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat...
11:09 Sat 24th Aug 20132 answers, last by Canary42 12:07 Sat 24th Aug 2013
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maggiebee

3 Holy Men & A Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two...
19:42 Wed 21st Aug 20133 answers, last by tamborine 23:13 Wed 21st Aug 2013
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Quoi

Irony

Definition of irony:- When fat people buy jogging pants when they're trousers don't fit....
13:51 Tue 13th Aug 20136 answers, last by sir.prize 18:33 Tue 13th Aug 2013
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starone

This One Is A Bit Naughty

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to his first year medical students. Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the...
19:36 Thu 08th Aug 201313 answers, last by starone 19:28 Fri 09th Aug 2013
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Quoi

Cheap Labour...

I rang seaworld to book some tickets the other day. I thought it was odd that they asked me to repeat "Jump through the hoop!" "Do a flip!" "balance the ball" several times before they would confirm...
12:30 Mon 05th Aug 20134 answers, last by marval 15:49 Mon 05th Aug 2013
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marval

New Car

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession. Even to the supermarket, which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he...
15:21 Sat 27th Jul 20132 answers, last by Jemisa 22:59 Sat 27th Jul 2013
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marval

My Antique

My antique Georgian mahogany writing desk has wormholes. I opened a drawer and ended up in the Nebula Galaxy. Easiest job in the world - Muslim psychic "I'm getting an 'M', Does the name 'Mohammed'...
18:38 Tue 23rd Jul 20134 answers, last by excelsior-1 22:43 Tue 23rd Jul 2013
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chrisgel

It Only Costs 1P

To get into our local aquarium as long as you're camping or dressed as a dolphin. So it's free to all in tents and porpoises...
11:50 Sun 14th Jul 20136 answers, last by ladyalex 14:08 Sun 14th Jul 2013
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marval

Misbehaving

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. "Wait just a minute," she said. "I had Johnny...
20:03 Thu 11th Jul 20133 answers, last by excelsior-1 22:33 Thu 11th Jul 2013
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marval

Reputation

An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony. But being cautious, he hired a private detective for...
15:36 Wed 10th Jul 20134 answers, last by Psybbo 14:29 Thu 11th Jul 2013
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Chipchopper

Talking Of Sheep....

Our family was so poor, when I was a kid, my Ma used to go to the butchers and buy a sheep's head to make broths and stews out of it, to keep us hungry kids from starving. Ma would always ask the...
20:02 Tue 09th Jul 20136 answers, last by Chipchopper 16:23 Thu 11th Jul 2013
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sir.prize

Amusing, But

Why would anyone want one of these? http://omatic.musicairport.com/...
19:35 Tue 18th Jun 20135 answers, last by sir.prize 12:27 Wed 19th Jun 2013
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excelsior-1

Be Careful Where You Tread

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time.   When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure...
20:19 Sun 16th Jun 20131 answer, last by Jemisa 22:40 Sun 16th Jun 2013
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patsyann

Knighthood For Tony Robinson.

I cannot understand what special things Tony Robinson has done to deserve a Knighthood. And yet Rowan Atkinson gets just a CBE. I found Tony Robinson totally obnoxious in Time Team. Even one of the...
12:58 Sat 15th Jun 201334 answers, last by Caran 23:23 Sat 15th Jun 2013
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Graham-W

Someone Sent Me A Text Saying, "gbna".

I think it's bang out of order.
14:17 Sun 02nd Jun 20138 answers, last by RATTER15 17:45 Sun 02nd Jun 2013
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excelsior-1

Cannot Work Today

In the morning Tom calls to his boss: - Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not...
15:05 Sun 05th May 20136 answers, last by frozengal 03:50 Mon 06th May 2013
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Fanriffic

Sad News

Old Kenny was killed at work last week. He worked as a Fork Lift Truck driver at the local Chocolate Factory for the past 17 years and was a much loved and well-respected employee. Carrying out his...
20:18 Wed 24th Apr 201312 answers, last by LochNessMonster 10:35 Sat 27th Apr 2013
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berniecuddles

Knock Down Ginger

When I was younger we used to play a game called " knock down ginger" you would knock on someone's door then run away! Now its called "parcelforce"....!...
08:29 Sun 21st Apr 201312 answers, last by berniecuddles 12:29 Sun 21st Apr 2013
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frugalfred

The Convention

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight...
15:28 Wed 17th Apr 20136 answers, last by Jemisa 22:46 Wed 17th Apr 2013

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