A mother was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist. "Right," said the shrink, "We'll just try a few simple tests." To the boy, he said "Say a few...
I fancied eating some German sausage but, knowing my stomach, I feared the wurst. What do you call a judge with no thumbs? Justice fingers. Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat...
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two...
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to his first year medical students. Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the...
I rang seaworld to book some tickets the other day. I thought it was odd that they asked me to repeat "Jump through the hoop!" "Do a flip!" "balance the ball" several times before they would confirm...
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession. Even to the supermarket, which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he...
My antique Georgian mahogany writing desk has wormholes. I opened a drawer and ended up in the Nebula Galaxy. Easiest job in the world - Muslim psychic "I'm getting an 'M', Does the name 'Mohammed'...
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. "Wait just a minute," she said. "I had Johnny...
An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony. But being cautious, he hired a private detective for...
Our family was so poor, when I was a kid, my Ma used to go to the butchers and buy a sheep's head to make broths and stews out of it, to keep us hungry kids from starving. Ma would always ask the...
Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure...
I cannot understand what special things Tony Robinson has done to deserve a Knighthood. And yet Rowan Atkinson gets just a CBE. I found Tony Robinson totally obnoxious in Time Team. Even one of the...
In the morning Tom calls to his boss: - Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not...
Old Kenny was killed at work last week. He worked as a Fork Lift Truck driver at the local Chocolate Factory for the past 17 years and was a much loved and well-respected employee. Carrying out his...
When I was younger we used to play a game called " knock down ginger" you would knock on someone's door then run away!
Now its called "parcelforce"....!...
A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight...
