She dug the plot on Monday The soil was rich and fine She forgot to thaw out dinner So we went out to dine She planted roses Tuesday She says they are a must They really are quite lovely But she quite...
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner. "When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it." "Sorry," replied the owner,...
An explosion in a cheese shop leaves de-Brie everywhere. Average gumbo is only medi-okra. Dieting is wishful shrinking. How to make leek soup: first you get a pot and then you take a leek. Why did the...
There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak...
A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then he rescues his wife. Then the...
A man walks into a deli and sits at a table. The waitress comes over and asks him what he wants. He says "I'll start with some chopped liver." She yells to the kitchen "one chopped liver" Then he says...
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he...
Dear Doctor, I wish to have a vasectomy. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I know that contraceptives are absolutely useless. After getting...
"Doctors at a hospital in London, England have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the...
A man goes to see Doctor Sqad and says. "Doctor, my wife in unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy....
Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and a dozen doughnuts. Who is the most popular girl at a nudist colony? The girl who can eat the last doughnut....
A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mum she didn't believe him. So he sent her a picture of his top half. A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half....
A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian. "Can I have a burger and fries?" She replies, "Sorry, this is a library." The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?"...
This is part of a dessert menu at a pub near here in Buckinghamshire. You would think they would have spellchecked or at least read it through first. English Cheeseboard – £8.30 A selection of 4...
For any farmers on here, this is how you round up the cattle.
Animals clearly do like music.
http://news.sky.com/story/1313311/kansas-farmer-wows-the-cows-with-trombone...
Once upon a time in old France there was a small vineyard run by a coven of witches. The grapes that grew there were used exclusively for the production of raisins, and were always harvested under a...
Paddy and Mick go to a rugby match. Mick searches everywhere but can't find the tickets. Paddy says Mick "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there." "No problem says Paddy. Half an hour later...
