Little Johnny was called over by the lifeguard at the swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "You're going to have to leave." "But everyone pees in the pool,"...
One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from bingo and found Her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor,...
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman ntended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she...
Two mothers met for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?" "To tell you the truth, my Billy has married a ***! She doesn't get out of bed until 11, she's out all day spending his money on Goodness...
A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for...
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation...
The police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him...
A priest concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom; he discovered several boxes of new bibles that had never been opened and...
What do you think of this man's invention? It sounds good idea, but would you use it?
http://news.sky.com/story/1277569/easy-rider-suitcase-scooter-takes-to-streets...
A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sexy blonde wife alone. The night before he left, he brought home a vibrator and gave it to her. "What's this for?"...
Paddy is walking down the Blackpool prom one day and he sees a mother breast feeding her baby boy. Paddy stops to speak to the mother. "That's what I like to see natural breast-feeding, I was raised...
Please don't let me be so nervous When I toss the ball for service. Give me speed and strength unhaulting, Aces and no double-faulting. Instill in me the skill and dash Of Agassiie, Williams, Roddick...
Two men from Oklahoma were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Okie turned to the other and said, "That little gal is having a bad...
It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I want...
A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone...
I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was...
A man walked into a dress shop and told the shop assistant he wanted to buy an evening gown for his wife as a surprise. "What size?" asked the clerk. The man shrugged blankly. Trying to help, the...
A young girl from Donegal leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home 6 months later and steps out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat. "Begorrah, Colleen," says her...
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?" He was older than some of the others. He said, " Darned if I know who signed the ruddy thing." She...
1.Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2.The Bible is...