Crying her eyes out, the blonde approached the policeman and said that her dog, Fido, was lost. He suggested that she put an ad in the paper. The blonde replied. "Well, I thought of that officer, but...
This English landlady had a couple of struggling poets for tenants. When the poor fellows got behind in their rent, and the landlady was unable to have them evicted, she decided to murder them. She...
One day, two hillbillies saw something that looked like a Bigfoot. He was all hairy except he had a sharp horn on top of his head. "What the hell is that thing", the first hillbilly asked. "I think...
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the...
A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the clerk said, "Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's our most realistic model." The woman said, "You mean it's shaped exactly...
A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the...
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner...
A young man agreed to baby-sit one night so a couple could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the...
As a child, I had an obsession with Posh Spice. It cost my mum a fortune in saffron. I went to a restaurant and ordered a baby roast chicken. They gave me a burnt egg. I read recipes the same way I...
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked over to her towel....
What do you call a musician who steals sheet music? A clef-to maniac. An instructor at an ice cream parlour is a sundae school teacher. I simply must find a new podiatrist. My podiatrist has developed...
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunk patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk he...
Hymie is an elderly yarn merchant who has the misfortune of living next door to Fred, a well known anti-Semitic. One day Fred calls on Hymie and says, "Hey Jew! I need a piece of gold silk." "OK,"...
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus." "Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat...
On Valentine’s Day, the receptionist arrived at the doctor’s office. A mystery man was pacing up and down outside holding a package. As she got out of the car, he declared warmly, "I have...
I thought I'd let my doctor check me, Because I didn't feel quite right All those aches and pains annoyed me And I couldn't sleep at night. He could find no real disorder But he wouldn't let it rest....
One year, Johnny's family was having an "extended family" 4th of July cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was lighting the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile...
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet it's some flowers!" "That's...
A man asked his neighbour how he kept his car looking so nice and glossy. The neighbour replied that his wife gave him all her worn out panties and he used these to polish his car with. Being a...