A Guy walks into a bar and orders a double Vodka and drinks it straight down before ordering another which he also swigs straight down. The Barman asks "Bad day?" The guy says "Yeah, I just found out...
Walking along Oxford street just as the heavens opened, a man luckily grabs a vacant Taxi without getting the slightest bit of rain on him. The cabbie says: "Perfect timing. You're just like Stevie"...
I lost my keys this morning. I looked everywhere even turned the house upside down. My wife told me to look in the place I least expect. Funnily enough, my keys are NOT in locker E17 of the women's...
Late at night a breathless guy runs into a pub and asks for water and gulps it straight down before asking for another. "That's one hell of a thirst you've got," says the barman. The guy says, "Yeah,...
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked "Where are you going at this time of night". The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it...
Good News
Your wife rings you in the middle of the day asking you to come home for a hot midday sex session.
Bad news
She also rang the Postman
Even Worse news
You have to wait.........
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” said the lawyer “I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five.” “Fifty five?” says Saint Peter. “No, according to out...
Catching a taxi home one evening, the cabbie charged Jim double the usual fare and got abusive when it was pointed out so Jim reluctantly paid up and swore revenge. A couple of weeks later revenge...
I rang seaworld to book some tickets the other day. I thought it was odd that they asked me to repeat "Jump through the hoop!" "Do a flip!" "balance the ball" several times before they would confirm...
This might be a tricky one. I want to write some business software that will run in the 'cloud' using a browser window. I would love some hints about where you think the future of screen design is...
I work in a small business centre with only 5 people working there 3 male and 2 females. The females both work part time. The thing is, one of the males (husband of one of the females) has taken to...
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a slowdown in overall system performance, the worse being in the flower and jewelery applications, which used to...
My daughter was saving up for body piercings. First she wanted her ears pierced then after that she said she wanted to save up to get her navel pierced. She asked me if I would help so I told her that...
Superman and Batman met for the first time. To start with it went well... 'That cape suits you well my friend'. said Superman 'Thanks' said Batman 'you're looking pretty good yourself' It didnt last...
I am the most dull, boring and downright witless person I know. My new years resolution was to get a life and I gave that up on Jan 2nd.
Have you got a personality I can borrow?...
