A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he's perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed. "Son, there's been a bit of a mix-up," admits the...
An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a...
One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked...
John: "My grandpa is 98 years old, and he doesn't even use glasses." Jack: "Wow, that is incredible!" John: "Yep, he drinks straight from the bottle." ___________ I swear I've just seen Michael J Fox...
A customer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a pint of less, please.” “Less?” queried the bartender. “What’s that?” “I don’t know either,” said the customer, “but my doctor told me to drink...
The Irish have solved their own fuel shortage problems. They imported 50 Million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and now they're going to drill for their own oil....
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus depot, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally...
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was...
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting...
1. I started with nothing. I still have most of it. 2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran? 3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. 4. Funny, I don't remember...
"Do you think I shall live until I'm ninety, doctor?" "How old are you now?" "Forty." "Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?" "No. I don't drink, I never gamble, I loathe...
I don't believe anything I see on TV. There was that herbal shampoo commercial where the ladies were in the shower using the shampoo, and they're having orgasms. I went to Costco and bought the family...
It was the usual day at our bank. A woman came up to customer service and demanded, “What do I have to do to change the address on my account?” Without looking up, I replied, “Moving house would be a...
A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their...
The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice. "The next time you're down in the field ploughing and feel a...
In the Sex Education class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex." The next day she says to Little...
The poor country vicar was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a £250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the...