Why Would My Ex Says These Things To Me

[Dolphinlady]

Me and my ex have been trying to stay friends since we split last nov. We have fallen out loads of times since but the other day I gave a reference to someone for a job for him. He thanked me by taking me for a coffee in my lunch break. We were talking and he suddenly said that he missed me and that he knows that he was awful to me last year and this year for that matter and he said he was sorry. When I got back to the office I sent him an email saying thank you and that it was great to see and apologised for being nervous and that ll the feelings that I had had come flooding back . I told him to look after himself and that I still missed him.. His response was pretty much the same but he also added a few things in that he should've done when we were together , which I though was not necessary. He rang me last night( sober) and got into the conversation somehow that he's still loved me but wasn't in love with me and that he wasn't saying he wanted me back but he wanted me to know that he has always loved me and always will and that he admits that he does miss me etc and started going on that he should been better when we were together.. I got confused because there was no reason to tell me all this as he didn't want me back anyway , so why would he spill his heart out like that , he wasn't drunk because it was 9pm at night and he was home .

[2sp_]

He was maybe testing the water to see if you were open to getting back together if or when he fancies it. Maybe an ego-boosting exercise for him?

Do you have kids together? If not, I'm afraid I would advise cutting all ties and moving on. You need to find someone who will treat you right.

[Dolphinlady]

He knows how I feel about him but I haven't told him that I want to get back together with him and he made it clear that he wasn't saying he missed me and loved me because he wanted to get back together , so I don't think he wants that ever. No we don't have kids

[2sp_]

I'm still suspicious that he was looking for a little ego stroking.

But you know him and the situation better than I do.

If you really want to know, could you ask him why he brought all this stuff up now?

Have you considered just slowly moving him out of your life? I know it's not easy sometimes after a relationship, but it's maybe the healthy thing to do.

[Dolphinlady]

I asked him why he had to say them things last night when he mentioned it and he said that he wanted me to know that he still loved me and that he did when we were together . When I emailed the say we met up he mentioned something when he replied and I just said well you didn't stand up to her but hey oh it's too late now , so I was thinking maybe he was testing the water but with me saying that then maybe that's why he said he wasn't saying it because he wanted me back , god knows why or what is going through his head.. I know what your saying , should slowly get him out of my life .

[2sp_]

It's hard when you split up and if the other person is still about and saying things like this to you, you are bound to question if you are doing the right thing or if you should get back together.

As long as you are still friendly with him I think this issue is going to continue to raise it's head.

Maybe look at it as him apologising for his behaviour when you were together and try to close the door on the relationship.

Not easy, I know.

[ummmm]

He loves you as a friend and wants you in his life. He just doesn't want to have sexy cuddles with you.

[maggiebee]

Sounds a little bit like he wants his cake and to eat it too. Maybe you should think very carefully about the reasons why you split up in the first place? Does he want the relationship without the ties? Tread carefully.

[Dolphinlady]

Thanks 2sp ,I do tell him it's hard for me and that I don't think I can be mates .. What I don't understand is normally a man would just cut all ties and stay away unless they have children but that's not the case here , he just insists that we stay mates .. He called me Friday night and 3 times last night and in the day yesterday too so I'm confused.com lol but thanks for your advice

[Dolphinlady]

This is to you Mmmmmmmm when we met Friday for a coffee he couldn't stop hugging me and instead of just kissing me on the cheek as mates do he wanted a proper kiss , so figure that one out

[Kassee]

I do think some men (and women too) like to keep people "in tow" if they can. I actually think it gives them an ego boost. They never totally cut the ties of attachment, suddenly getting back in touch full of lovey dovey nonsence, at the very time you start dating someone, or moving on with your life. My son had a girl friend like this, who was still dipping in and out of his life, years after they had split up, ruining his chances of really making it with anyone else. I definately have know men like it too. He loves you, but isnt in love with you, well there is double dutch for you, and why do you need to know ???

[Kassee]

Give some thought to your next boyfriend/partner - is he going to feel happy about your ex being such good friends, ringing you three times some nights, and giving you a full blown kiss on the lips when you meet up. I dont think so. If you want to meet someone for a proper loving relationship, then you need to ditch him.

[joeluke]

As the saying goes 'never go back'

He's messing with your head, move on

[anneasquith]

hes keeping his options open,,,,,,,, you should move on.

[Mass_Hysteria]

I love my ex wife, she knows it and she's told me she loves me BUT we both know that we will never be together again. It works this way, especially for our daughters sake, she loves both of us!

[anneasquith]

surely if you really love each other you would still be together ?

[craft1948]

I don't understand the question........

[Svejk]

I bet you haven't got a spell that can stop you disappearing.