Getting rid of Jehovahs Witnesses

[mikey4444]

There used to be a marvelous site on the 'net, called The Encyclopedia Of Stupid, which is sadly no longer with us, but I am grateful to it for the following fool-proof way of getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses:::

Apparently, if you are a JW, and you do something ghastly, like perhaps having a small glass of wine with your lunch, you become persona non grata with your local Kingdom Hall. You become what is known as "Disfellowshipped"

All JW's are then supposed to shun you in a very serious way and avoid you like the plague. So, next time you are in the middle of making dinner, and the doorbell goes and its a couple of these pests standing there, don't tell them to bugger off, or something more Anglo Saxon. This can be fun of course but its just not effective enough. What you need is some really permanent.

Just tell them that you have been "Disfellowshipped" and they will run back down your front path, as fast as their little legs will carry them, as if the very devil was after them !

More importantly, your address will be added to their "Black List" and you will never be bothered ever again !

[fredkins]

I just say "I would not be opening this door to you right now,I would be dead" Thank heavens for blood transfusions.

[aelmpvw]

I'd rather answer the door than be branded a paedophile

[yogasun]

That applies to me fredkins after the birth of my first son.
My husband shouts something similar relating to that point!

[naomi24]

^^ Err?

[naomi24]

Sorry, Yoga, that was to aelmpvw. I can't see the connection.

[bibblebub]

uncyclopedia is quite amusing about them http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Jehovah%27s_Witnesses

[RATTER15]

I invite them in and grill them about the atrocities in the Bible for 5 minutes and they cant wait to get out!

[aelmpvw]

sorry naomi24, I totally misunderstood mikeys thread ... haven't had much sleep

[naomi24]

aelmpvw, ah, I see. :o)

[mikey4444]

Thanks bibs, although I always thinks its difficult to mock the already ridiculous.

I miss the Encyclopedia of Stupid. It was full of really usefull tips about all sorts of things, not just daft religions. Perhaps it will surface again soon.

And aeimpvw...you can get Disfellowshipped for all sorts of things, like gambling, fornication ( ! ) inter-faith activities ( ? ) and smoking :::

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s_Witnesses_and_congregational_discipline#Disfellowshipping

[aelmpvw]

... don't think they'd have me then

[sidkid]

At this time of year I give them one of my special Advent Calendars. Every time one of the little doors is opened, a voice tells them to f*** off...

[Baldric]

I had two turn up at lunchtime a few days ago, their opening line was that they were 'performing a public service' in the area, they got a bit confused when I asked for an ID, and left when I pointed out that what they were doing was actually a public nuisance rather than service.

[LazyGun]

This is worthy of a place on the Viz top tips page.

Disfellowshipping I assume is the same thing as Shunning? Never quite understood that myself - they seem quite happy to approach strangers, chock-full of sinful living and worse might worship a different god, but they shun their own because they fell off the wagon a little?

Scientologists do it to apparently.instructing members to sever all contact with "suppressive" personalities - those who have left the church, or family and friends which have a jaundiced view of the cult.

I suppose a good shunning for leaving the faith beats a good death for apostates that some religions threatened :)

[mikey4444]

Now if ALL religions shunned me because I wasn't "one of them", what a happy world that would be.

Imagine, no pink-cheeked American boys, wanting to talk you about Mormon, no woolly-hatted chapel ladies putting bits of paper through your letterbox, and none of those scruffy urchins, singing "away in a manger" tunelessly every bloody Xmas !

Bliss !

[Truthabounds]

What a laugh! Your information is incorrect.
I love a glass of wine, in fact I even drink brandy.
If we meet someone who says they are disfellowshipped
we don't run away.
We do not have a "black list".
And to be able to leave, you are quite free to do so there
are no steps or procedures to take, you just stop.

[paddywak]

I'm pleased to say that I've not been visited by the JW's since I threatened the elder of the local lot with physical violence if he didn't stop his people pestering Trish with their claptrap. Crude but effective.

[mrs_overall]

Some of my previous methods for getting rid of them have included:

Answering the door inadvertently still holding the (large) bread knife I was using in the kitchen before they rang.

Telling them I can't speak to anyone as it is a condition of my bail terms.

Telling them I thought they were the undertakers coming to pick up the body

[Everhelpful]

Just tell them you "Never even saw the accident"!!

[LazyGun]

So you can confirm that disfellowshipping actually occurs, Truthabounds? I have certainly seen several anecdotal stories about people being shunned, and it appears to a practice sufficiently well known that it has a place in Wiki.

I understand the practice can be very distressing for those who have family members still within the church - some of those shunned have been sufficiently exercised by the process to describe it as a form of implicit social blackmail/coercion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shunning#Jehovah.27s_Witnesses

Again, referring to Wiki, Shunning is decided by a judicial panel -presumably men - and is applied where there is evidence of a serious sin - and when you look at the list - sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, adultery, apostasy, reviling - demonstrates the obsession and continual hang-ups most of these patriarchal cults have with human sexuality. It would seem that their god is still a jealous god, since apostasy is a serious sin, and whatever you say, dont curse.

Does shunning have an expiration date?


It is a pity about the black list though - any additional protections from doorstep evangelists would be welcomed. We all have god to thank that such cults are so irrelevant in modern day society....