17, pregnant, abortion

[extra1234]

If im 17 and fell pregnant not through a lack of protection but because protection failed and i knew i was going to have an abortion, should i tell the guy ive been dating for 6 months about the pregnancy and abortion etc. The thing is i dont want anyone to know ive had an abortion for obvious reasons as kids can be so cruel however i dont know if i fully trust him not to tell anyone. Im scared he will confide in a friend who will then tell someone else etc. Or im scared that when we break up, he will tell people and everyone will find out. What should i do?

[RATTER15]

You sound like you don't trust this guy, not really a great basis for a loving relationship.

[starone]

If I had had a secret abortion then I would keep it secret. Secret means you do not tell anyone. Keep it to yourself and get over it. You will eventually. Move on - life is for living not for recriminations. You have many years ahead of you, try to enjoy them.

[tamborine]

Keep it to yourself. You've had enuf pain & you dont need more.

[RATTER15]

Also worth remembering, its also his baby you are terminating.

[boxtops]

My first response was to say, don't tell him, then - but then you will have to think of another reason why you are going into hospital and be unavailable for a while. If you don't trust him not to tell, I wouldn't - if you told him, might he want you to change your mind? How far on are you?

[extra1234]

no i dont trust a 17 year old boy with something as serious as that. im not naive enough to think this relationship will last forever and when it ends he will have no loyalties to me and will have no reason to keep my secret.

[boxtops]

Don't tell him, then.

[extra1234]

he wouldnt want me to change my mind. i know this for certain. and im only 3 weeks.

[sara3]

if you respect him, you'd tell him.. so you know best.

[extra1234]

im scared because i feel like i should tell him and i feel like i need support and stuff and obviously he would be in the same boat as me (obviously not exactly as its my body) but im worried i will end up regreting telling him :(

[RATTER15]

I think you have just answered your own question, sometimes life is hard and we need to make harsh decisions. I'm not sure its the right thing to do but the reality is that maybe you should keep it to yourself.

[boxtops]

Did he realise the risk of pregnancy, has he asked you?

[starone]

General consensus - keep it to yourself, don't tell anyone. I believe there is a day ward for abortions, so no-one need know you have gone into hospital (not sure about this of course, but you can check).

[NOX]

I agree with starbuck- she's very wise. If you have already had an abortion and you're happy in your own mind it was the right thing to do then try to come to a peace with yourself about it and put it behind you. The last thing you want is your young life ruined by making yourself feel guilty and risking other people finding out and then making you doubt you've done the right thing. If you feel you need to share it with someone then talk to the Samaritans or another support group, but trust your gut instinct- you don't trust this lad so don't tell him.

[4getmenot]

the father has a right to know

[extra1234]

he's 17 as well and the reason i feel like i should tell him as he knows there was a risk of pregnancy as the protection failed and i had to take the morning after pill, which he knew about

[Jemisa]

An Abortion these days providing you are not more than6 weeks is a matter of taking a couple of pills. (according to my niece)

jem