Late People

[Loosehead]

Can anyone explain why certain people are always late? I have a friend that no matter what warning you give will always be late, it drives me mad. I sometimes go around to pick him up to go somewhere and I'm always on time, he's never ready, I mean what are they thinking? I'm going out at 7pm so that's when I'll start getting ready. I suppose it drives me mad because I'm have a fear of being late so I'm always early or on time. Do "late people" have a fear of being early or are they trying to be "fashionably late"? I think it's very rude, I have other friends who are more like me and if there's a chance they'll be late they phone as do I. So come on you late people why are you late?

[undercovers]

i have no concept of time or more to the point how long anything takes... no matter how many times i'm late it still comes as a shock when people arrive, or i miss the train or the mel etc etc

[slimfandango]

I think it might be a conditioning reinforcement, in part. Here's the equation I thought up:

(Conditioning happens subconsciously and will have an effect on you no matter what you think about eg 'lateness'. And it has a more powerful effect the more aroused you are).

Say 'latecomers' are not intending to be late (although they may not like arriving and having to wait around: negative reinforcement). But leaving things 'tight' means that they have to rush to get there (arousing) and have a sudden but 'difficult' objective (get there in time). They don't really feel TOO bad if they arrive a little late, but when they DO arrive on time, the buzz is enormous, they were aroused and had a difficult target, and feel great about themselves and so the conditioning begins.

That's my take on it. I do it all the time.

[becks]

I am ALWAYS late, to the point that my friends tell me to be somewhere 15 before i actually have to be there. I have a theory that late people were born late, and amongst everyone i know this is the case, those that were born on their due date are generally on time, those that were early are (suprisingly) early, and those that were born late (two days late in my case) are late. Ask your friend. What i don't understand is that it doesn't matter how much time i allow myself, i'm still late, i faff about a bit admittedly and can get ready just about on time (5 mins late) if i really push, but even when i really try i'm still late sometimes. Oh well, get used to it, your friend won't change, i have one friend who is ALWAYS early, and coupled with me being late we always seem to be waiting in my room to finish getting ready... she expects it of me, an i expect it of her, just the way things are.

[Loosehead]

But, Becks what actually makes you late, I mean why don't you start getting ready earlier? Are actually deciding to be late? Or are you just not organised. For example here's what I do. I have to be somewhere at say 8pm.

How long will it take to get there? How am I going to get there? will I have to rely on someone else being on time eg taxi? How long will it take to get ready? Have I got do do anything else eg stop at a cash machine? I add the time subtract it from 8pm and subtract a further 15mins, that gives me my start time.

[Cockney_si]

I used to arrive late to lots of stuff and sure I've dated girls that have been late to get ready even though they've told me that they are ready on the phone.

Best way to cure this is make sure if you want to meet them at 7 tell them to be ready for 6 and then it shouldn't matter too much if they are 'late'.

[Robinia]

One of my pet hates - people who are always late infuriate me!!  I hate that 'I'm here now so stop complaining' attitude. My oldest son has been like that since he was old enough to go his own way. I'd always been a stickler for time keeping so it's not bad parenting!  He was a joke amongst his mates who would come for him & always ended up watching tv with me while he got ready.  How on earth he arrived at his own wedding on time I really have no idea.  I hardly ever ask him to take me anywhere as I know it would be quicker to walk than wait around all day for him. However my younger son is the total opposite - if I ask him for anything he's arrived (from 9 miles away) before I put the phone down!!

[Robinia]

Becks you could be right!! Older son was a week late - younger son 5 weeks early!!

[becks]

There you go my theory is right! Honestly loosehead, i don't try and be late on purpose, and i do everything that you've said, how long to get there, how long to get ready and add time on, i don't know, i'm just always late! All of my clocks are set fast in the house so i think i've got even less time than i really have but i'm still ALWAYS late! I'm telling you, it's the way i was born and not my fault! I do always ring ahead though, although like i said my friends have come to accept it and either tell me to be somewhere earlier or just know that i'll be late.

[Loosehead]

Conrgatulations Robina, looks like your younger son has developed warp capability as well!

[OBonio]

I'm late for things that I don't deem as critical.  I get into work as late as I can because I can't get out of bed in the morning.  If there is a meeting though, I will be there on time, if not early.

Meeting my mates, I'm usually late.  No-one is going to die if I am late.  Simple as that.

Basically, I do things in my own time.  No rushing me.

For those that get wound up by people like me, that's your problem, not mine.  There are other things much more worthwhile to get wound up about.

[elgroucho]

I think it is the height of rudeness. It totally infuriates me. If I've agreed to meet someone at say 7pm, I make sure I get ready in plenty of time, leave in plenty of time, and arrive on time. If I can go through life succesfully doing this, then why are some people late for absolutely everything?

Ricky Gervais put this into Room 101 when he was the guest on that show, and he made some good points. I remember he made a point about people who turn up late and blame the traffic... there is always traffic, you should have left earlier.

Generally people who are always late are pretty self-centred, believe the world revolves around them, and don't even notice they are late because of this. I can almost see the logic behind these sorts, but they still make me angry, as do those who are really apologetic for being late, you should have got ready earlier, left earlier etc.

Anyway, must dash, got to be somewhere.

[silly moo]

Bad upbringing leading to bad behaviour.
Being late affects other people and it's very rude.
I'm a grumpy old woman I know.

[ursula62]

It's not necessarily a bad upbringing... i used to have a good friend from an excellent background who was always late. He never wore a watch and yet he held down an extremely demanding IT management position for a major broadcasting company, so he was obviously capable of running to time when it mattered to him.

Rather than try to change him I would invite him an hour before I wanted him to be there.

[Top totty]

My husbands entire family are always late and it really bugs me.

MIL is always at least 3/4 hour late for anything and arrives with a smile and an out of breath phewww as she walks through the door with a smile  on her face. She is retired so whats her excuse.  Nothing more annoying then trying to time a meal (Christmas Day springs to mind) around her lateness. We have had flippin Yorkshire puddings ruined on many an occasion due to his family and their time keeping.  LOL

You tell them we are eating around 4pm and they will arrive at 4.55 and then want to have a little chit chat for 10 mins while the food is being ruined even further. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR to late people.

My son has never been late for school in his entire life and for 9 months while we waited for our new house to be finished I was travelling over 20 miles to get him to school of a morning yet people living only 2 minutes from school were always rushing in at 8.59 and later. 

[FP]

My son is always late, totally laid back about getting ready to go anywhere.  Nothing to do with his upbringing at all.  He is good mannered and well adjusted,nicely behaved and certainly not rude - but just always late, grrrrrrrr.  (He was a late baby too!)

[milly143]

I hate it when people are late, it drives me crazy! But then I one of those people who has to be early for everything because I'm always scared of being late. I think i just want everyone to be like me really, then the world would be perfect! (just joking obviously). I was born late but like to be early..... hhhhhhmmmm

[elgroucho]

But FP, I and the others who hate lateness would argue that your son is by defenition rude with his carefree attitude to lateness. Don't confuse this interpretation of rudeness withthe other sort where impoliteness is intentionally inflicted. Just because someone is well behaved and well mannered doesn't mean they are not rude. I just feel it shows a lack of respect for others and is therefore rude.

[ems27]

it drives me nuts when people are late. Mainly cos its the same people that do it again and again. I'm not unreasonable, sometimes you can be running late, these things happen but when it happens all the time i just think its rude. Like i have nothing better to do than wait for  an hour at the tube station in the freezing cold being harrasssed by freaks. I hate the way people just casually excuse it as a personally trait, "sorry i'm late, you know me, can't help it". that makes it alright then, not in my book.

[natalie_1982]

Ok, I didn't read all the posts so may be repeating some stuff here - sorry if I am.

I admit that I am neurotic and am early for absolutely everything and people who are late really bug me.  If I have a job interview, I know the customery 15 mins early is good, but I'm generally there about an hour before the interview begins. I have to give time for everything - traffic, diahorrea, rain (having to sort out/ dry hair), flooding, what happens if all the roads are closed and I have to walk?  what happens if I am abdcted by aliens, probed and then released?  Will I still have time to get there?

My best friend is late for everything.  Every clock in her house is set 15 mins ahead so that, in theory, she shouldn't be late, but she is.  As mentioned already, if we are meeting at 8, I tell her we are meeting at 7/ 7:30 so we stand a chance of arriving at almost the right time!

And sorry Becks, but I was born 11 days late!

[natalie_1982]

Also my brother and boyfriend sound exactly like FP's son, they are both so polite and well-mannered, yet late for everything.

My God they faff around and it drives me crazy. 

We joke that in the mornings I can shower, feed the cat, make the tea/ coffee, get dressed and ready while he is still looking for a pair of boxers.

My brother is so laid back he's practially horizontal, and he is another one that will agree to meet me...... for example last Thursday, on my lunch break (1 - 2) for a coffee and turned up at 1:45.... you guessed it because of traffic.

Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!