Jealousy?

[Scarlett]

When I was 18 and at uni I had a special male friend who would come and visit me in my room- we'd talk philosophy through the night. I was very flattered by this and hoped it might become more than platonic over time. Then one day my friend Gill stopped by as my male friend was visiting. I sat and watched her flirt and giggle and preen and flatter him. The next day they were going out, I lost him as a friend and that was that. 30 years on I have a special male friend who I do everything with- hope it might become something more; and my lodger is now doing the same thing- giggling, flirting, being tactile. I want to punch her. He, of course, loves the attention and probably fancies her a lot more than he does me. I am not proud of the jealousy I feel. Any thoughts on what I should do?

[jno]

have a couple of drinks... not advice I normally give but it might help you overcome your inhibitions. Your behaviour (as you clearly see) is losing you possible lovers. If you want to change your luck you must change your behaviour - or maybe wait another 30 years.

Your choice...

[ummmm]

Not all men find thin woman attractive.

[Scarlett]

Thanks Andy. It really is a tricky one. If I make a move I risk ruining things, if I don't make a move, I risk losing him elsewhere.

[Scarlett]

He tends not to drink as he drives but I got some wine in the other day and he had half a glass and left the rest. Clearly not interested in getting drunk with me.

[ummmm]

Do you love him?

[jno]

the advice about having a drink was aimed at you, not him. You're the one who needs to loosen up (if that's what you want). Get drunk and throw yourself at him. If you don't like being drunk, pretend to be.

Yes, you risk being rejected. So does everyone who makes the first move. It's one of the rules of the game; and you either choose to play the game or you don't. You didn't 30 years ago, and was that the right choice?

[Scarlett]

Ummmm yes I do

[Scarlett]

Jno- good advice. Thanks. I'll get some wine......!

[rowanwitch]

DVD 'Friends with Benefits' wine

'would that be an option for us?????'

But have you considered he might be gay Can't think of many men who could spend the night in bed with a woman without a morning prod in the back and a hopeful grin

[Sqad]

rowan is right on the money...........

What sort of "bloke" would be happy with a platonic relationship with a woman?

? gay.

[ummmm]

You have to prepare yourself to be hurt if you don't let him know because he's unlikely to stay single forever. Him meeting someone else will be just as painful as him rejecting your advances.

[Scarlett]

Actually he's not gay, and has a friend with benefits elsewhere, although maintains he is single. He is focusing on his career atm and is not looking to settle quite yet. Perhaps the friend with benefits is something to do with it.

[jennyjoan]

Scarlett - get over the nightmare of "being rejected" - worth taking that risk if you like/love him.

Also I am wondering if he is gay or not after all he seems to be enjoying your lodger's attention. Do think he is nervous of pursuing you in a romantic fashion.

Just take a deep breath and give it a go. By the way my brother was pretty sought after by many women (believe me) used to keep 2 women on a string at the one time but he liked heavy women - always said there was more to hold onto. Good luck.

[Khandro]

Why not try marijuana? a puff or two each, and things should soon get under way.

[ummmm]

Well he's got the both worlds. You as a friend and someone else for sex.

How long has the friends with benefits set up been going?

[Scarlett]

It's not so much rejection as the fact we're doing a important project together til next summer and I don't want to jeopardise that.

[Scarlett]

Three years ummmm

[ummmm]

If you're such good friends then I can't see you letting him know would bring an end to your friendship. It might change it a bit.

[B00]

Sounds too much like hard work to me.

He's got his sex elsewhere, he's got a woman as his friend (you) and he's not interested in a relationship

"He is focusing on his career atm and is not looking to settle quite yet."

It's too many minuses- id give it up.

[andy-hughes]

Sqad - "What sort of "bloke" would be happy with a platonic relationship with a woman?

? gay."

Ones who appreciate women as individuals to build relationships with based on other appeals than sex.

I have had dozens of platonic girlfrields over the years - they are very rewarding.

Being a 'boke' you are missing out.