How Would You Feel

[jennyjoan]

A friend of mine died in America - they had 3 grownup children. Husband married again within one year of her death. A girl who had two children of her own.

Do you think it was too soon.

[Mamyalynne]

I might have thought it quick, but then what is an acceptable time?

I like to think I'd just be happy for them.

[jno]

No, not really. There's no law on how long you have to mourn, and he may still be doing so, In olden days, widows and widowers often remarried very quickly, fathers needed a mother for their children, mothers needed someone to support them. It's not the same in this case of course but I don't find it callous.

[-SharonA-]

Depends on the relationship he had with his wife. But I am not surprised as one of my husband's friend did the same thing saying he couldn't cope.

[jennyjoan]

Thanks Mamy for your answer. It is just I lost 2 lovely friends on 27 December - one was fighting cancer for 8 years and red headed, feisty and zany and has two boys aged 28 and 29. Somehow I don't think he will marry again.

The other lady had dementia - just had to mention her.

[nailit]

I had a cousin who died young. Her husband married again 2 yrs later and is still happily married many yrs later. No one else's business.

[jennyjoan]

Yes I agree - no-one else's business Nailit - but just asking.

[Mamyalynne]

Accept my condolences on the loss of your dear friends - they suffer no more and their partners must do what they feel is right.

This August I will have been a widow for 10 years, when was or will be the right time for me to move on?

I have never looked at it in terms of time, only in terms of love, which I have found.

[naomi24]

When this happens it's not necessarily because the one left behind doesn't care, but more to bring a semblance of normality back to life and heal (or hide) the pain.

[jennyjoan]

Mamy do you mean you have found love or found out. if you have found love - well done you.

[jennyjoan]

I know Naomi - but do think this guy left bereaved on 27th did say to me - he wanted to climb mountains, travel travel and travel.

Even tho wife was sick - may 2016 - he did try the Himalayas. He is only 62 and a gym fanatic. Do hope he finds comfort.

[EDDIE51]

I know of a case where a wife died and before she passed had talked to her husband and made him promise to marry again. There is no correct amount of time , it depends on each case. In this case there is also the factor that the girl's two children are gaining a father figure.

[sunny-dave]

My Mum promised my Dad (at a point when he was close to the end) that she'd not make any important decisions until at least 12 months after his death.

She kept her word (depite being desperate to move house to be nearer her grand-children).

In later years she said that the delay had caused her to waste many months of her life living on her own when she would have been better off enjoying her family.

So - it's not too soon - not at all.

[naomi24]

jennyjoan, illness and bereavement often have an unexpected and inexplicable effect on the psyche. People, whoever they are, can only deal with it in whatever way they see fit and they can only do what they think is best at the time. None of us live or experience other people's lives.

[Caran]

After my husband died I did nothing for two years apart from go to work, do the shopping, draw the curtains and watch tv.
Daughter gave me a talking to. Saying I had to start to live again.
I went on a Solo's holiday and met OH. Still together 28 years later.

[nailit]

so happy for you caran x

[Caran]

Thank you nailit.
OH likes to go on touring holidays on his own a couple of times a year. It does us both good to have a break, and really appreciate each other when he comes home.

[Peter Pedant]

Nope or yes

Katherine Parr ( yeah that one - last wife of Henry viii ) married again later in 1547 and then died in childbirth in 1548

A friend's father remarried at 6 months after being widowed (1965) and we took the view that it was his decision and his life.
Tongues wagged and the step mother turned out to be a bit of a tartar....

My mother's view by contrast was 'once was enough with your father'

[237SJ]

In my experience, men are not very good at living alone so I can understand why he married again.

[Peter Pedant]

George II's wife Caroline of Anspach I think had an absolutely horrific death - spontaneous rupture of the colon thro the abdo wall secondary to cancer. This was in the days before colostomy bags. (1740s). She then stubbornly refused to die and was subjected to red hot cautery to the tumour edges, bed ridden as she clung onto life apologising to all and sundry for the delay (they say)

She begged the tearful King to remarry - love match apparently - George was the one who said: I dont like Boetry and I dont Bainting

and he said - non non il y a toujours des maitrises
( no I mean maitresses, dont |I )

[Peter Pedant]

// men are not very good at living alone so I can understand why he married again.//

so um Henry VIII when he cut off the head of whichever wife used to say: 'Look I am just creating a vacancy'