When Friends Aren't Friends

[Scarlett]

Have you ever had a good friend who decides that your services are no longer required when they get a better offer- a boyfriend/girlfriend, a new best friend etc? This has happened to me several times despite me always being the best and most loyal friend I can be. I usually end up walking away and thinking "their loss", but why are people so awful? Or have you actually done this to someone?

[jennyjoan]

I echo Mamy's sentiments entirely. The couples can't handle singletons.

[chrissa1]

Again though. I’ve known them for 40 years!!! I’m not a newbie in the social circle, or a threat. Crikey, were all too old for that sort of thing.

[jennyjoan]

I have been a singleton for most of my life and have enjoyed many parties, social lives with couples and their children. It worked out for me but I consider myself fortunate. Now I hardly go out and when I do it is with one person.

[Prudie]

I think that might keep me awake at night chrissa to the point I'd muster up courage eventually and ask them why.

[chrissa1]

I think I did a few years ago but was just told, that there was nothing wrong.

I gave up

[gness]

Chrissa....I have read your posts more than once....because I just can't believe that your friends treated you this way......it's made me really sad.....because I've been in your position and my friends have been just the opposite.
I've had a slightly different experience with long time friends which shook me to the core......but equally hurtful and inexplicable....and I still mull over what happened in my head years later so I know how you feel.....x

[Cloverjo]

I had a close friend from school who I saw regularly for quite a few years after we'd left and I had a child. When she was looking after her nephew she'd call me and we'd take the two kids out for the day together. When her nephew became old enough to not need baby-sitting she stopped contacting me.

I feel quite sad about it, but that stuff happens. People move on.

[chrissa1]

Thank you, gness. That’s very kind of you.

I just don’t understand it. C’est la vie. :(

[Scarlett]

Tilly2, what is your situation? ie- are you married? Do you have lots of casual friends who you see from time to time? Or are you single, and your friends are the equivalent of a relationship or family? I think maybe my situation is partially caused by my family living very far away (I see them once a year) and me being single. So friendships become more important and more of a focus.

[Scarlett]

It is very sad, but I guess people and their priorities change. I am still very interested to hear from anyone who has stopped being friends with someone for a reason such as these- not being a couple anymore, or taking up with a new boyfriend or girlfriend and gradually phasing the single friend out? Or just not needing them as much anymore?

[nailit]

//Isn't it awful how we humans can hurt each other sometimes ?//
Isn't it anne? Take a leaf out of ur own book sometime.

[anneasquith]

:-)

[bednobs]

I have experience of the other way round. I had a very good friend, but I had to stop seeing her because I found it too haRd. I am also a coward so wasn't able to talk to her about why, but just phased her out by not contacting her and not being available when she contacts me. Suddenly I find its over a year since we actually spoke.

[Spicerack]

The only friend you've got is in your pocket. (or purse)

[Mamyalynne]

What a sad and disillusioned view of life, still if that's your experience it's worth sharing.

[ummmm]

My OH lost a few friends when he stopped doing drugs!

[Mamyalynne]

I think that goes with the territory Ummmm, he left the club.

[pastafreak]

I had the same situation as bednobs( and friends deserting me when my marriage was breaking down ).
In my situation, the friend was having personal difficulties and would frequently phone when roaring drunk. The "conversation" would go around in circles as she became more and more incomprehensible. I really couldn't deal with it. When she texted me, I suggested on several occasions that we meet up...I find it much easier to chat face to face...and I really wanted to see her. ( she lived in a very rural location, and I dont drive ). She never replied back...so I decided to let it go for a while. I felt bad about it though.
We are back in touch now, and hope to meet up soon.

[bednobs]

sadly my reason for phasing out my friend was far less noble

[tamborine]

I too lost & dropped friends at OH demise & I would not introduce OH’s friends to my new partner.