Is Being A Top In A Bdsm Relationship Really About Empowerment?

[rowanwitch]

Just thinking about this, a friend used to say she liked being dominant as she was able to work through a lot of bad stuff from her life She wouldn't switch roles because of early abuse but did say she enjoyed the responsibility for her partner. He used to say it was all about freedom, when you are completely disempowered in a safe space it is the nearest thing to total freedom. For me it was just a bit of a laugh between consenting adults. What do others think

[murraymints]

each to their own.. would rather have a nice cup of tea ! lol... unless.... Alfie Boe..or George Clooney happen to pass by...

[melv16]

My only bdsm partner was a woman who had a very high-flying job at my local university. She absolutely loved being dominated and was open to anything, I mean anything. She even introduced her bi sexual lady friend to our twice weekly meetings.
We were both single and consenting adults in our 40's.

[SparklyKid]

What is " A Top" ?

[Samuraisan]

Me too, Auntlydia. I have had my fair share of boyfriends ( free love and all that in the 60s and 70s) but I have never come across that. I think I would just have fallen about laughing had it been suggested to me.

[rowanwitch]

It's interesting, Dave would have liked to dip his toe in the water I think but I was too protective of him by that stage.
I think Kval has it right that a lot of it is about contrast, when a gentle tender person can show a stronger side, a powerful person in everyday life can be the most extreme submissive, and Ummm in most cases nobody pays. I never wore spandex, much more into historical corsetry only in my younger days. Tbh I'm with Minty these days I think my preference would be for a nice cup of tea with pleasant company.

[nailit]

All my past partners have all had different sexual tastes.
However, one of them, after our first few sexual encounters started asking me to choke her during the act. Felt a little uncomfortable doing this at first, but as time went on she started to ask me to choke her harder and for longer periods.
What perturbed me wasn't what she was asking me to do, but the fact that I started to enjoy doing it....
Not to sure what that says about my psyche?

[Sqad]

Sparkly....haven't you ever played "whip and top" as a kid?
Does that give you a clue?

[rowanwitch]

That's seen as a no no in most circles,as it is too dangerous because the person being choked can't use a safe word. As for enjoying it too much was it just her you felt that way about?

[SparklyKid]

Played whip and top but still have no idea.

[Sqad]

LOl....the "top" gets whipped...the recipient of the pain.

[SparklyKid]

Wish I had not asked now.

[kvalidir]

A top is dominant and bottom is submissive and a switch can be either. x

[Sqad]

Me too...LOL

[SparklyKid]

Nothing like a submissive bottom I suppose,

[nailit]

//the person being choked can't use a safe word//
Yes that was a little worrying but I was always sensible enough not to prolong it.

//As for enjoying it too much was it just her you felt that way about?//

Well, ive never had a partner since (this was 20 yrs ago) that was into that so I suppose yes, it was just her that I felt that way about.
She also liked to be slapped (hard on her face) Somehow that felt different, I really didnt like that.

[kvalidir]

Yeah that's what I mean Spath, topping form the bottom, and you can mouth safewords even if you're being choked :)