Can A Single Elderly Person

[Redhelen72]

Who is willing to pay for it take themselves off to respite?
I am struggling to see the point!
Do they get assessed for future needs etc at respite?

[Redhelen72]

Thanks LL - I am beyond shocked that she would do that!
She has also never asked how her son is - you may remember that last year he was really ill - she has never not once asked 'how are you doing son'.

[jno]

I think ladybirder is right, Redhelen: nobody has to take responsibilty for in-laws. If anyone has to, it should be your husband. I left my own MIL (who everyone else thought was a saint) to my OH to deal with. Of course you'll want to support him but ultimately if she's going to drive anyone mad, it shouldn't be you.

Good luck.

[MissTerious]

When I fractured my spine my Mum told everybody I was exaggerating. Not much wrong with my back! All the comments eventually got back to me. She also told people I hardly ever visited and that I loved my dog more than her! Probably very true!, I actually used to hate to visit because she always upset me. But I did visit at least twice a week.

[MissTerious]

Funnily enough my mum hated my husband because he stood up to her, but when she was older and didn't like me any more she suddenly turned into liking him better. When she spent 7 months with us after I gave up work to look after her she would tell him how badly I treated her during his absence.

Do you know, 13 years after her death she is still affecting me. Counsellors all tell me she is was the main cause of my chronic anxiety.

Helen, you have to detach yourself!

[Redhelen72]

jno - whilst what you say is true - I should leave it to my husband - last year he was very ill and i thought I was going to lose him - therefore I will not put the extra pressure on him to cope with his mother.
We have a call this evening with his brother and hopefully we can get him to take a bit more responsibility as the oldest sibling.

It is funny though - I have been told today that she has sciatica and apparently she is having a bed moved downstairs because they are concerned about her doing the stairs etc. She was in A&E one day and walks out with a care package!

[Redhelen72]

As has been mentioned by others on here before
My own mother hated me and my MIL hates me perhaps it is me that is the problem?

[albaqwerty]

No, you're not. Damned unlucky tho :)
My mother wasn't quite as bad, I do understand where you and Lottie are coming from

[MissTerious]

I dont think you're a problem. You are awful, but I like you! As Mandy would say! (Dick Emery)

[MissTerious]

My mother liked me when I was a compliant child and I loved her to bits. In fact I had a good childhood because we had such good times together. She was so much fun to be with. A highly intelligent and beautiful lady. But a real attention seeker and man eater.

[anneasquith]

How old is mil. ?

[MissTerious]

I am guessing about 80ish. Which isn't much older than me. I'm beginning to feel worried! ;0)

[barry1010]

RedHelen, some people are just not cut out to be parents, some are just nasty.

[MissTerious]

What I can say is that there are many of us who don't idolise their mothers and all those sloppy poems about mothers on Facebook and in cards just don't work for everybody.

My grandmother was wonderful. Loved her to bits.

[MissTerious]

And thank heaven for a lovely Dad and good solid husband and I think Red is lucky there too.

[Redhelen72]

She is 85.
Yes i struck lucky with the men in my life and of course my darling Stepmum

[Barsel]

A lot of people become cantankerous in their old age even though they weren't like that when they were younger.

[Redhelen72]

Lol I have known her for 33 years always been like it

[Redhelen72]

The very first meal she ever cooked for me was veal even though she had been told I don’t eat veal, she actually grinned with glee when telling me what I was eating

[MissTerious]

I think you are right Barsel, but my Mum had a very strong character and could be very demanding when young. And when you are beautiful and popular it's OK but when you get old and still act that way it doesn't work. It's very sad. There are some very sweet old people. Mum was never going to be one!