Soul Mates

[nat_84]

OK Basically... ive been with my fella for about 10 months now... but we argue at least once a day. I can go from being on the biggest high in our relationship - to the biggest low - (When we start arguing).... and then i start questioning whether or not we're meant to be?

Im not sure if im just being a typically 'never happy' kinda woman but i just dont feel like we're 'soul mates'.... dont feel like we have the conneciton that i could have with possibly someone else.....?

I always complain that he's not touchy/feely enough... not in a sexual way but just a comfoting way, could never imagine staying up all night just talking, etc etc..

Anyone understand? Or believe in 'Soul Mates'?

[fee-is-me]

I understand. And, yes, i believe in soul mates.

I didn't used to - but since finding the most amazing person ever, i sure do now!

[whiskeysheri]

I completely understand, nat! My boyfriend and I always argue at least once a day- he says it's because we have a passionate relationship! Hmmmm... x

[kazza12345]

i dont believe in soul mates per se... if there was one person for everyone, then how come out of all the people in the world, those two meet? if lots of people are with their soul mates, how does that work? No, i think grow into a relationship, and you can grow into "soul mates", but only because you change yourself a bit when you are with someone. i love my husband more than i can express, but it wasn't always like that. If you'd have asked me after year one, year two or even year 3 whether we would still be together after 14 years i would have said no - our relationship has grown out of our shared experiences since then though .However, i do believe there are good and bad relationships, and if you are not happy with yours, maybe you should do something about it

[nat_84]

whiskeysheri - i know what u mean... my boyfriend reckons its healthy to argue(?!) - but it just does my head in.

Its a sort of cant live with him, cant live without him scenario.

I dont beleive everyone has only one soul mate - but i think there are certainly some people that u just have that 'CLICK' with... which is sometimes hard to find.

[fee-is-me]

kazza made a good point.

i don't believe we each have one, two, three... however many, soul mates, but that with some people, the 'click' is almost tangible.... you'd know it if you had it, of that i am convinced.

and i don't believe it necessarily has to be with a husband/wife, bf/gf, either.

[fee-is-me]

oooh spooky nat_84... i was thinking the same thing!

[nat_84]

lol - that is extremely bloody spooky!!!!

[vehelpfulguy]

If anybody argues once a day then for whatever reason it is the wrong relationship.

Maybe one of you expects too much, or is not willing to give enough.

I met my wife 20 years ago and we hit it off straight away. We did not have to work at it and have had very few arguments in our time together.

I doubt if we argue once a year, we just get on.

It is amazing how often I am just about to say something, and she comes out with the same thing.

Or I buy something, and get home and find she has just bought the same thing.

Try to find your soul mate, it is worth it.

[nat_84]

Yeah thats the sort of thing that i want....

The thing is when we're not arguing we get on REALLY well... and arguments we have are over the silliest things....

Well we're going on holiday end of August so it will probably decide if its a make or break relationship...

[Champagne]

Kazza makes sense to me. I do believe in �soul mates� but I don�t believe there is only one of them in the World. I think of relationships as being more like a �Richter Scale of love�:

1 = Impossible � You both want to kill each other all the time. Everything he/she does annoys the hell out of you. You shouldn�t even be seeing this person!

3 = Unstable � some good times but mostly bad. You know there�s no security and/or future. Can also describe people who have a �sex only� relationship.

5 = Average � Generally good, but you know you can do better!

7 = Love/Hate � there�s passion and love but a friction which can�t be resolved. This relationship can last years before either party finally throws in the towel.

10 = Soul Mate � A meeting of minds and bodies. Nothing will ever compare.

...as a rough guideline. ;o)

I don�t think it�s necessarily a bad thing to have the odd argument (so long as it�s controlled and rational and the issue is resolved). But if it's constant and gets you down then you definitely shouldn't be in that relationship.

[nat_84]

forget to mention the fact that we spend literally all of our time together... probably have one day a week apart and the odd weekend night....

[unruliejulie]

hi nat, your relationship sounds just like mine USED to. When we weren't argiung, we were absolutely fantastic and totally in love, when we argued, i always questioned if we should be together. It was a case of either very passionate or very cold. We never went for more than a few days without fighting again. There is light at the end of the tunnel though, or rather there was for me.. We have now been together for 11 years and the last 4 or so have been great., We have finally settled into each other if you know what i mean and very rarely argue anymore. He is my soulmate in many ways and i guess i always knew that!

[nat_84]

champagne - thanks for the detailed explanation - and i think its a pretty good guide to go by... i'd say we're sort of average - love/hate....

[nat_84]

unruliejulie - thanks for the message of hope. Glad things worked out for u and ur man. I'm hoping that'll happen in my relationship. 10 months isnt a really long time, and im sure we've BOTH got plenty to learn... we're only young (21 and 24) so hopefully the future holds something wonderful!

[ipek]

Personally, I don't believe it is healthy to argue - it gets nobody anywhere and causes bad feeling at the end of it. By all means have a difference of opinion and a lively debate about the differing merits of each, but don't insist that some one changes their views to match yours - it won't work anyway.

If you find that there are more differences between you than similarities, then I think maybe you should be with someone else who shares more of your outlook. Don't get me wrong, it makes for personal developement being around people with different views on life - but arguing just seems to lead to resentment and frustration.

As for him not being so touchy/feely - that could well get you down in the end as well. There's nothing quite as comforting as a cuddle, especially when you NEED one.....and the best person to get one from is your partner.

I've been through many partners in my time (some even official) and had a great time in the process - but had to wait until I was 40 to find the person I knew was right for me and I could happily live with. It's been 17 years now and well worth the wait! I do also have a couple of soul-mates in my friends of both sexes......as FEE says they don't have to be your life partner.

When you meet them you will know........

[horselady]

We had a dreadful relationship, all we did was argue, everyone said we weren't right for each other, but we got married and after the first few stormy years, things calmed down. Have been married for 37 years (!!) and can honestly say we get on brilliantly. I think we were just too young and in my case too fiery and wayward. You either stay together and get it right, or you go your separate ways, but it can work out.

[redcrx]

My husband and i have never argued, even when the divorce was going through. I had thought he was my soul mate but obviously not :)

My bf and i do have moments where we get on each others nerves and dont get on quite so well but we love each other totally.

If we fought and argued then perhaps i would rethink the relationship but they way we are is just perfect.

[nat_84]

Thanks you all for giving such strong and personal views. It does help. I suppose it comes down to the individuals and whether you're strong enough to try and work things out along the way or whether you think its time to move on and find someone else, someone you feel more of a connection with.

I think i'll try and arrange it so we dont spend soooo much time together and then at least there'll be more reason for him to be more 'touchy/feely'.

Im not going to give up just yet as we've both been through a lot in our relationship within such a short space of time. We both need to sort things out in our lives individually and once they're sorted we can fully put our focus towards each other.

[PinkFizz]

Hi Nat. I argue with my guy too,and he can drive me mad,but every day sounds a bit too much.Do you mean silly bickering or full scale major rows?? And what on earth do find to row about so much??
xx

[Champagne]

Good luck nat. x