Unreasonable dad ?

[carrust]

I'm divorced & live my son.His 21st birthday is coming up in October.His mother & sister have offered to buy him a tattoo to celebrate the occasion. I've told him if he gets a tattoo I will throw him out of the house. I think i'm saving him from mutilating his body,& saving him from embarassment in later years.What do you lot think?

[sweetdor]

if the man didnt want opinions,then he shouldnt have posted the question,should he!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pippa68]

If it is considered love & care to throw your son out of the house for having a tattoo, then yes ~ he is displaying that very well ;o)

I don't agree with the name calling or abuse. But I doubt carrust will take any of our advice on board anyway!

I am a parent (4 biological, 1 stepdaughter) and I know dealing with conflicting opinions is tough. He should just agree to disagree. He is dealing with another adult, for crying out loud.

[janeo]

If it is a mistake then it's HIS mistake to deal with. All part of being an adult.

[WendyS]

I don't like tattoos myself but at 21 he has the right to control what happens to his own body, however much you dislike it, even if he does live in your house.

Could you persuade him to have a temporary one done? Suggest that such body mutilations are not always attractive to the opposite sex and ask him what he would do if a girl he really fancied found his tattoo repulsive? If that doesn't persuade him you just have to accept he has the right to disfigure himself if he wants to. We all usually end up having to pay for mistakes we made in our youth, even if they're innocuous ones.

[888sally888]

Reckon carrust has gone into hiding!!

[carrust]

Hello everybody i'm back.
My best mates father was in the navy during the war.As sailors do, he had loads of tattoos.As he got older & progressed up the career ladder he became a sales manager with a large company.In the summer months when it was hot he couldn't wear short-sleeved shirts or roll his sleeves up.If he did he knew peoples respect for him would be lowered.He felt ashamed of his tattoos.
It seems that most of people on this thread are female. What do you think about your partners tattoos,especially if they had a previous girlfriends name on it?

[yesmadam]

My husbands tattoo is lovely and is his chinese birthsign, he had it done at the same time as his sister, she's a doctor btw and he works in the city. Guess it didn't screw up their careers then.
Is your son getting his girlfriends name? that, even for me, is a big no no.

[4getmenot]

Its entirely up to the person themselves. they are the ones that will have to hide them if they become outdated or for job interviews etc.. No-one has the right to tell anyone what they can or cant do. Yes he is living with you but as I said if he wants it he'll get it. What differnce does it really make to you yourself if he gets one?
As for names of ex's that�s up to them. they were silly and will learn from it. I myself wouldn�t have the name of an ex, a childs name is the only thing I'd have.

[4getmenot]

I think most of us agree that you are just trying to be a good dad and warn your son of the consequences getting a tattoo might have. But we just don�t agree with you saying you will kick him out in a way to stop him. Its up to him.

[carrust]

It seems i'm in the minority. However, I come from a background where only criminals & ne'er do wells had a tattoo. I've taken all the arguments on board (most of them excellent) But i'll still say that why mutilate your body with something that's PERMANENT. Hair grows,holes heal,hair dye fades, but tattoos are for life.

[4getmenot]

They arent you can get rid of them. some tattoos are beautiful and some have great meaning to them too. But you've said it all you are in the minority, YOU not you son. Are you saying that if he got a tattoo he will be no better than a criminal. I dont know where you come from but the only place I say all people with tattoos are criminals is prison.

[mazie]

hi carrust I asked a question way back.

what did your Son say when you said you would chuck him out if he got one?

[4getmenot]

I bet he laughed I used to when my mum told me that :-)

[carrust]

Mazie.He knows i'm deadly serious.
A friend of mine runs his own accountancy company. If he sees an interviewee with a tattoo they don't get the job. As he says.' I can't have an employee meeting with a company director or high powered business man/woman covered in tattooos'.

[Rubyrose]

Pathetic!!!!!

[carrust]

Rubyrose. If you had a meeting with an accountant/hospital consultant/doctor/bank manager with love and hate on his knuckles,a bluebird on his neck & a naked woman on his forearm,would you feel confidant in his proffessional advice ?

[888sally888]

I must agree that the lower arm is a mistake - upper arm is ok can be covered with short sleeves.

[Nummy]

carrust. You have to have enough faith in yourself as a father to know what kind of man you have raised. Is your son really the sort of man to have love/hate on his knuckles, swastikas on his arms, etc?

The best you can do is sit down with your son and explain your concerns, why you don't like tattoos and what problems you think may arise with him having one.

You haven't mentioned what design he wants, it's size or where he wants it. It may be a relatively small tattoo he wants, in a place that isn't on show all the time, eg his back, shoulder, top of arm, etc. Again talk it through with him...it may not be easy for you...but it will show him that you accept him for the man he is.

At the end of the day you must accept he's and adult and it's his body, he is not affecting anyone else but himself. He may regret it later - he may not - but it's his decision and he will have to live with it.

I'd hate to think you're saying that you'll throw him out of the house because your son is daring to go against your wishes! It's the tattoos you hate not him.

He has a long future ahead of him...it would be such a shame for both of you to damage your relationship - possibly permanently - over this.

[CrazyDaisy80]

Hi carrust.... Firstly may I just say that I admire you for wanting to do right by your Son and I kind of agree with all the Points that you have made but also all of the Points that other People have made.
He is your Son and you should Love him no matter what he says or does (whilst I realise this is within I am being 'General') and this includes getting a Tattoo.
You have obviously brought him up very well and I don't think he'd have anything offensive and if you say it is his Mum and Sister encouraging him, he might say No!!
Also, could I just say that I am a Girl and I have a Small 1 Inch Square Tattoo on my Left Shoulder. My Step Dad had the same Viewpoint as you. Not only do I no longer talk to my Step Dad who thought I was a Criminal for getting a Tattoo but I am also a successful Civil Servant, I have a Pension already at 25, I am a Ranked Officer within St. John and I am currently sitting at Work at an Emergency Dental Service helping others. Not so shabby huh??
Let your Son make up his own Mind but perhaps try to guide him into making the right Choice - tell him he could have a Tattoo but make sure it means something to him and that he doesn't want to regret it.
Most 'Normal' People don't regret Tattoos. And your Son sounds fairly Normal.
BUT please don't ever give up on him - I don't want him to hate you like I hate my Step Dad.

[yesmadam]

carrust without offence, how can you be so Aretentive over a tattoo when you find your joke so funny?
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion269560.html