Unreasonable dad ?

[carrust]

I'm divorced & live my son.His 21st birthday is coming up in October.His mother & sister have offered to buy him a tattoo to celebrate the occasion. I've told him if he gets a tattoo I will throw him out of the house. I think i'm saving him from mutilating his body,& saving him from embarassment in later years.What do you lot think?

[mycats]

I'm afraid you have to accept he is an adult and it's his body.

[loobie]

Why would he be embarrassed in later years. I have a tattoo on my back and I will never be embarrassed about it as it means so much to me. My mum didn't want me to have it but now she really likes it.
I can't believe you would consider throwing him out over something so ridiculous. He is 21 not 12 and will not thank you for making these rulings. Surely he is old enough to make his own mind up?

[carrust]

But he's living in my house.

[888sally888]

I agree with you - I dont really like tatoos - although I have just married a lovely man with one on the top of each arm.

He got his first one (without his paents knowledge) at 20 - hes 40 now.

He has no regrets. The only thing I would say is that he is now a man and can make his own decisions. BUT I would check that it IS his decision and not outside influences (ie mum and sister) wanting to cause trouble with you. Do you have a good relationship with them or are they trying to wind you up?

Please dont throw him out whatever - you obviously care deeply for him and what would this achieve in the long run.

[4getmenot]

If you kick him out wont he just go back to his mum? Do you want that?

[888sally888]

Sorry - surely its your home together not just your house?

[carrust]

loobie what's the use of having a tattoo if you can't see it?

[4getmenot]

I know why you dont want him to have it, but he is old enough and should be making his own mistakes to learn from them. Alot of the time you tell a child they cant have something and they want it more and will get it. Its him that will be mutilating his body and being embarrassed in years to come not you.

[carrust]

I used to work for the probation service & have seen many tattoos..swastikas, borstal spots,home-made ones,some done in prison & even one saying f... off on his forehead. Are these OK ?

[4getmenot]

Do you think your sone would really get any of them? Think you're looking a bit too much into it.

[4getmenot]

*son*

[Pippa68]

I can think of far more things to worry about than my son having a tattoo..sorry! I reckon you are lucky that he waited this long to have one.

Is it really that much of a big deal ~ is it worth ostracising your son for this? if you are really against him having a tattoo by all means throw him out, but be prepared for losing him.

[loobie]

Carrust, I can see it in the mirror!! I think a tattoo for a girl on the back is nice. I don't like them on arms, or hips or legs etc. For me it is the knowledge that it is there, it is a chinese symbol meaning younger sister, my older sister has one relating to that. That is why it is so special to me. I wouldn't get one that had no meaning.
The main point is, is that your son is now a man and these are decisions that he has to make by himself. By threatening to throw him out, you are risking your relationship with him.

[888sally888]

You sound like a good dad - somehow dont think he would have f*** off on his head?

You didnt answer me, do you think his mum/sister is stirring it and encouraging him?

[4getmenot]

thats what I think pippa. Theres some people out there that have lost their sons and would give anything to get them back tattoos and all. He will just go to his mothers if you kick him out so no skin off his nose.

[carrust]

I don,t want to kick him out.But this is the only sanction I have to stop him from making a big mistake.Remember, a tattoo's for life,not just for a birthday.

[Pippa68]

I have never seen anyone with expletives on their forehead, and I know a LOT of folk with tattoos!

[Lore]

Hi carrust, A tattoo won't change the son (man) you've brought up well, Do you think by getting a tattoo it will change him in any way? Maybe you're concerned he might want more, or even move onto piercings.. but even if he does, he's still your son and as long as he respects you and loves you what more could you ask for?

I'm sure there are things you've done that your parents didn't exactly agree with, but at the end of the day, as parents we have to accept the fact that our children are people in their own right, they don't have the same views and ideas as we do. Changes in social acceptance has created a way forward for those wishing to express their individuality - something that was once called 'different' (and about time too I might add)

He's your son, could you really justify throwing him out and potentially not seeing him again or having very much contact with him all because of a tattoo?

[Pippa68]

Well you may think he is making a big mistake, but he is going to be 21 ~ three years older than the legal adult age.

Have you never brought him up to make mistakes & learn from them? I think it's about time you cut the cord and let him live his life. You obviously don't like tattoos, but displaying this dislike by threatening to kick him out of the house isn't a good way of showing it, believe me.

[carrust]

888sal888.Yes, my ex & daughter are encourging him, much to my dismay.