Be Prepared

[stewey]

In the event of hostilities breaking out on this site tonight even though an actual State of War will not be declared, I have for hire, at reasonable rates, numerous items which I have salvaged from previous skirmishes. Some items may be slightly discoloured and/or dented. Please peruse the list and order at the appropriate time.

tin helmets
nissan huts
fox holes
cotton wool
shovels
wellingtons
heavy dictionaries
AB negative blood
bottles of rum
semi-automatic zappers
camouflaged key-boards
MOD issued "user-names"

If there is anything that you require that is not on the list please do not hesitate to place a special order

[enigma]

Oh not you bailing out too Megan !!! AB is like a ghost town tonight and Stewey was kind enough to issue provisions for anyone requiring ammunition/protection as well. Don't leave me here all alone !!!

[sleepyj]

hello no war on here tonight thank god

[enigma]

Yup , all's quiet on the AB front. Still , it's not kicking out time at the pubs yet , so best keep your hard hat at the ready. Better to be safe than sorry.

[Oakleaf51]

Are us Greenies allowed to join in, or is this an exclusive club?

[enigma]

Well that really depends Oakleaf. Are you a meanie greenie or just a regular greenie waiting to bloom and turn grey ? If it's the former , the troops are on standby and if it's the latter , then welcome aboard lol !

[Aprilis]

Oh no, there's been nobody here for an hour. Naughty ABers deserting their post! I guess it will just have to be me guarding the perimeter fence until stewey returns then....

Be careful...I'm armed and dangerous (ish!).

[enigma]

I've been keeping watch for a while now Aprilis and i'm glad that you have come to relieve me because I now need to go and relieve myself. Well , it's bloody cold here !!! About time you showed up as well hmph. Slacking on the job eh ? Oh and where is Stewey ? He's bailed on us as well. Never mind , i've got provisions here to keep us going :

2 litre bottle of Irn Bru
Multipack of Twix
Sour cream and onion pringles
Dry roasted nuts.

That should keep us going for a while and if you ask me nicely , I might make you a cheese and onion toastie.

[Aprilis]

Hey, no probs enigma. I was wondering who that shadowy figure was over there. You must have been using one of them there camouflaged keyboards that stewey has for hire. I didn't like to shoot my semi-automatic zapper in case it was stewey returning.

All that nosh sounds fab. Would you mind if I added a nip of brandy to that Irn Bru? It's flippin' cold out here. A cheese and onion toasty sounds just the job, but please don't forget to wash your hands first.

[opera winfre]

Hi its me.

[Aprilis]

Enigmaaaa.....come baaaaack.....my wellies are stuck in the mud!!!!!

[enigma]

Two toasties coming up then and don't worry , my hands are spotless. I bypassed the grotty little portaloo and charmed my way into a sweet little old ladies house to use her bathroom. Ahh , a heat at last. I don't want to sound ungrateful but the smell of lavender and her little handmade knitted dolly toilet roll holders is a bit off putting. I feel like they're watching me , so i'll turn them round the other way. I'll be back with your toastie in a mo. Keep your eyes peeled for trouble in the meantime. Oh and you're welcome to top up the bru ..... so long as you are prepared to share lol !

[enigma]

I don't know , I leave you alone for five minutes and look at the mess you get yourself into. Call yourself a soldier ? Tsk. Hit the deck and give me fifty press ups or no nosh for you !

[Aprilis]

Sorry enigma, I'm obviously not cut out for this patrolling malarky but I'll do 100 press-ups for you if I can have 2 toasties! ☺

[Aprilis]

I'll pour you a brandy & Irn Bru for when you get back. In fact I'l make it a double, you must be traumatised after your encounter with the knitted dolly toilet roll holders.

[stoat the ba]

well aprilis can i lay down while you do your pressups?
100 sounds pretty weak even for a woman.
how about 200 when im in position?

[enigma]

Oi cheeky , one is for me and no matter how many press ups you offer to do , i'm not surrendering it. You'll have to arm wrestle me if you want it and i'll have to pull scary faces to try and put you off , so please don't , it won't be nice. How's about we compromise and I offer you one toastie , half my Irn Bru , some Pringles - as long as you don't crunch them too loudly ....... I hate crunchers - some peanuts and i'll even throw in some Jaffa Cakes. Can't say fairer than that can I ? I hope you brought a pack of cards because it looks like it's going to be a long night. I wonder who'll be on duty next.

[Aprilis]

stoat the ba....is that an 'official' MOD issued user name? I need to check out your credentials before we go any further.

[stoat the ba]

lie down i think i love you.

[enigma]

Thanks Aprilis , I appreciate that. I'm still shaking from coming face to face with those evil dollies and I think that the stench of lavender was disguising the smell of embalming fluid wafting out from her basement. She was really keen for me to stay and said that her visitors never seemed to go ! I think a double is in order for the shock.

[Aprilis]

Okay enigma, I'll make do with the one toastie. Hhhhm...it's very nice. And to be honest, I'm quite pleased that I didn't have to do the extra 50 press-ups. I'll pass on the Jaffa Cakes though...yuk!