Be Prepared

[stewey]

In the event of hostilities breaking out on this site tonight even though an actual State of War will not be declared, I have for hire, at reasonable rates, numerous items which I have salvaged from previous skirmishes. Some items may be slightly discoloured and/or dented. Please peruse the list and order at the appropriate time.

tin helmets
nissan huts
fox holes
cotton wool
shovels
wellingtons
heavy dictionaries
AB negative blood
bottles of rum
semi-automatic zappers
camouflaged key-boards
MOD issued "user-names"

If there is anything that you require that is not on the list please do not hesitate to place a special order

[Aprilis]

It must have been that stoat person who ate them (says Aprilis trying to subtly brush the crumbs off her Army greens)....hhhmmm, cheesy wotsits...I love them!

I am going to have words with that stewey. He's been AWOL since 01:00hrs.

[stoat the ba]

cheesey balls?
now thats disgusting.

[stoat the ba]

are you in your fatigues?
just loved private benjamin.
still got that poster on my ceiling.

[enigma]

I can just about get away with smuggling the wotsits out of the house but the Skips are a no no i'm afraid. The kids would notice and go into a full meltdown. Yes just where is Stewey ? That really is a poor show.

[Aprilis]

I am stoat and very fetching enigma and I look in them too if I might say so.

[Aprilis]

Not to worry about the Skips enigma. I think we've scoffed more than enough for the time being. Is there any brandy left. If not, I see stewey left a supply of rum that we can get stuck into.

[stoat the ba]

well if youre not busy and feeling like a wee moriarty then i could get a cargo and chap yur door aprilis.

[enigma]

Yes but he did say that we had to order the supplies from him. Do you think he'd mind if we just helped ourselves ? After all we have been standing chittering holding the fort for him. Oh and I get the munchied when i've had a drink so keep the wotsits close to hand please and bring on the rum.

[Aprilis]

Enigma, I hope you aren't too squiffy, I need your help interpreting what the scary man is saying to me.

[enigma]

I meant munchies , not munchied. Hmm , maybe i've had enough already hic.

[stoat the ba]

am i scary?

[Aprilis]

You are when you talk that foreign language to me stoat. I hope that translated into something nice you were saying to me :o)

[stoat the ba]

well i was saying.
if youre not busy and feeling like a wee party i could get a carry out (drink) and come knock on your door.
but it was a request not a threat.

[stewey]

ATTENTION: officer commanding now present! After reading reports from my adjutants I can see that most of you have been performing quite ably. You will all be "mentioned in dispatches" and receive meritorious medals of valour. The AB editor will realize that because of our planned pincer, outflanking, encircling, boldly advancing retreating movements that a major conflict has been avoided. You have all been promoted to serve yet again! As you were.......and dismissed.


(Flags flapping, and "God Save The Queen" subtly playing in the background)

[enigma]

Translation :

If you're not too busy and would like a little party , then I could get a carry out and chap your door Aprilis.

Methinks he's chatting you up Aprilis lol.

[stoat the ba]

good night and god bless.
im just off to walk 500 miles then 500 more.

[Aprilis]

Oh, lol, that's ok then! But we have rum & brandy & nibbles here. Oh...you meant THAT kind of party!!! What kind of a girl do you take me for stoat?

[enigma]

Permission to get tore in about your rum now Sir.

[enigma]

Ah but will you be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at her door ?

[Aprilis]

When you've been that man who walked a thousand miles will you fall down at my door then stoat? Oh, alright then, nighty night.

Hey stewey, didn't see you there, it's dark out here!