Be Prepared

[stewey]

In the event of hostilities breaking out on this site tonight even though an actual State of War will not be declared, I have for hire, at reasonable rates, numerous items which I have salvaged from previous skirmishes. Some items may be slightly discoloured and/or dented. Please peruse the list and order at the appropriate time.

tin helmets
nissan huts
fox holes
cotton wool
shovels
wellingtons
heavy dictionaries
AB negative blood
bottles of rum
semi-automatic zappers
camouflaged key-boards
MOD issued "user-names"

If there is anything that you require that is not on the list please do not hesitate to place a special order

[Aprilis]

Flippin' 'eck enigma, you stink of lavender!

[enigma]

Fifty is enough , I think you've learned your lesson :-)

Oh goody , that means more Jaffa Cakes for me. Mmm yummy. Shortbread ?

[Aprilis]

Eeeew enigma, it's funny you should mention the embalming fluid as someone was talking about necrophilia on another thread. I think you have stumbled on their secret stash of cadavers.

[enigma]

I know (wail) and no matter how hard I scrub it won't come off. Still , I suppose it could have been worse. I could stink of old lady wee. I should just be thankful that she didn't offer me her bed potty to use.

[Aprilis]

Pass that brandy love...I feel faint. Ooooh shortbread, that'll get my blood sugar back up, ta very much.

[enigma]

Eww , Necrophillia. You have to wonder what possesses some people. I've heard of people having it away with anything with a pulse but without ? Now that's just too wierd !!!

[Aprilis]

Yeah, you're not wrong there. Do they have to wear a peg on their noses too do you think?

[stoat the ba]

even i wouldnt stoop so low.
well unless i was desperate.

[enigma]

Do you mean from when the body passes wind involuntarily or from the decomposition of the body (Blurgh) ? Maybe so. Personally I think that it would be even scarier if the deceased sat up as you hear of some corpses doing. Not that I am condoning necrophillia , let's be clear on that. I just can't believe that people would do that.

[Aprilis]

Fancy a brandy & Irn Bru stoat?

[enigma]

Eww. I hope that was a joke lol. Surely you'd never be THAT desperate ?

[stoat the ba]

well now you mention it.
i do have a bit of a drouth on me.

[Aprilis]

What's a drouth stoat? Dry mouth?

[enigma]

It's a good Scottish word meaning a thirst Aprilis. Are you Scottish then Stoat ?

[stoat the ba]

never say never.
so my granny used to say.

[Aprilis]

Well of course the mouth is dry stoat, saliva doesn't flow after they're dead. And what's her dry mouth doing on you anyhow.......OMG....you ARE that desperate!!!!!

[Aprilis]

Lalalalalalalala......I'm thinking of fluffy bunnies and easter eggs now. Lalalalalalala....

[enigma]

I think that he was referring to HIS drouth Aprilis when you asked him if he wanted a brandy and Irn Bru. He was just saying that he had a bit of a drouth now you come to mention it , meaning that he had a raging thirst. Scots slang gets lost a bit in translation sometimes lol ! You gave me a giggle though about the dead body's dry mouth on him lol.

[Aprilis]

Oh thank heavens for that enigma, he was scaring me. More brandy anyone?

[enigma]

I thought you'd never ask. I've been sitting licking the dregs out of my glass for the past ten minutes and I was wondering when you'd take the hint. I see the pringles are gone. Who finished them off ? Cheesey wotsits ?