Desperate Wife

[Octavius]

Despite my promises of everlasting love and devotion and an invitation to elope with me to a caravan park in Weston-super-Mare, Eva Longoria has decided to spurn my advances and still get married this Saturday to another man.

I am at the end of my tether. What else can I do to convince her I am her Mr Right, so that I can win her heart and live happily ever after in an 8 berth static home by the sea?

[Black Noir]

You sound like quite a catch Octavius if she still doesnt want you after all you have to offer shes clearly a selfish biatch and you should stay well clear!

[tiny e.a]

I think the best thing you can do is write her dozens and dozens of letters, preferably with the words cut out of a magazine, if she ignores these you could perhaps start hanging around outside her home, if only she had children you could turn up at her scool, little things like that. If she still doesn't give in to temptation you could shoot Ronald Reegan, she's bound to fll for you then!

[B00]

I'm concerned about the static caravan line- wasn't that Redhead's love nest too? Infact, not seen her around lately......OMG what have you done with her Octavius???

[Octavius]

B00, fortunately I have no idea what you are on about, although we all have to celebrate its (his/her can never tell) most mystyryous disappearance, but I doubt it will be for long.

I would have opted for a 4 berth towable one so that we could ride off into the sunset every now and again, but we need room for some babies and the Carefree Holiday park only allows static vans.

Do you think that I should approach Padma Lakshmi now that she has become available? Might make Eva jealous�?